Low-battery chick

Considering just how popular Chick Lit is among Maltese readers of the female gender, I was always struck by the fact that no one ever thought of writing the local equivalent of Bridget Jones's Diary. One Charmaine V. Galea must have been having the same thoughts, for Delilah Bejn Halltejn, her lilac-covered literary debut, is - as far as I know - Maltese literature's (and the word 'literature' ought to be used loosely in this case) first example of such a genre.

The plot revolves around the rather unfortunately named Delilah Spiteri, a 28-year-old wet blanket who lives at home with her strict, no-nonsense parents and her three sisters, Sara, Esther and Judith. Because of their Biblically-inspired names, the neighbours call them "The Evangelists", though the last I heard, the writers of the Gospels were actually called Mark, Matthew, Luke and John. Never mind though, eventually, one comes to realise that in Delilah Bejn Halltejn such careless blunders occur at depressingly regular intervals.

The story kicks off with grumpy Delilah having a coffee at the airport cafeteria, where she has gone for a spot of writing. She is soon cross-haired by a mysterious guy with tousled hair and perfect teeth: all the chairs in the cafeteria are taken, so would she mind if he sat at her table? Delilah reluctantly agrees, though apart from the odd clandestine glance in his direction she doesn't bother striking up a conversation. Eventually mysterious guy vanishes, only to save her from a pickpocket some minutes later, though why a pickpocket would be lurking at the airport's departures lounge rather than in a busy place like Republic Street beats me.

Conveniently for the plot, Delilah and her hero meet again a couple of chapters later. The protagonist's ancient Mini Minor breaks down, and the guy is working as a mechanic in the very same garage with which Delilah has a towing subscription. We learn that his name is Jake and before you know it, the two are dating, though as Delilah is quite keen to point out, it's nothing serious.

Meanwhile another guy, Alex - her old flame from Sixth Form - makes an appearance. Recently divorced from his wife, he has just returned from the United States, where he had been living for the past few years. In another suitably convenient twist of fate, he applies for a job with the firm Delilah works for. Obviously, he gets the job and promotes Delilah to personal assistant. It doesn't take long for the flame to be rekindled.

Who will Delilah choose? Rough and ready Jake, or suave and sophisticated Alex? Or will she juggle the two of them until she's finally caught?

In true Chick Lit tradition, Delilah Bejn Halltejn overflows with clichŽs. The guys sport regulation six-packs, their voices are smooth and their muscles toned. Rather than being called Jesmond or something similarly homegrown, they go by the improbable names of Colton, Jake and such hackneyed soap opera names.

Ms Galea's choice of diction is rather strange. She calls a teddy bear pupazz tac-craret f'ghamla ta' ors and yet on the same page uses the word "brush" instead of the perfectly acceptable Maltese equivalent xkupilja. A fireplace is a fuklar and a serial killer is a qattiel tal-massa. Dialogue could do with some realism - most of it is written in a pedantic way reminiscent of those old melodramas they used to show on Xandir Malta. The orthography is dodgy throughout, and many idioms, in which the author revels, are used without any care for their proper meaning.

Delilah Bejn Halltejn's real downfall, however, is the way the main character is fleshed out. It's impossible to sympathise with someone like Delilah. She thinks nothing of two-timing Jake, only to bawl her eyes out some chapters later when she sees him in a bar with another girl (who as it turns out, is just his cousin). Suitably realistic portrayal of the fairer sex, some might say, but that's not the point. Her sociophobia is something else that starts grating after a while, it is so over the top, you start laughing out loud in all the wrong places.

Yet despite all these problems, and then some, I can't bring myself to give this novel an entirely bad review. The fact that Ms Galea tries to weave together a plot is certainly to be praised; most authors these days don't even bother. Also, her love for the Maltese language seems genuine enough. In any case, Delilah Bejn Halltejn will appeal to impressionable teenagers and bored readers looking for escapism and an easy read. However, those looking for believable characters and witty dialogue might want to give this one a miss.

• Mr Stagno is a freelance writer and full-time university student. He wonders how long it will take for local production companies to turn Delilah Bejn Halltejn into a top-rated teleserial.
• The review copy of this title is the reviewer's own.