Public attention is a fickle thing. Some seven months ago it seemed that pretty much everyone in Malta was exercised about the state of marriages – in particular the marriages of Maltese.

There was much agonised discussion about what we could do to strengthen marriages. Then we voted in the referendum and promptly set about forgetting about the dangers of divorce- Claire Bonello

To hear some of the speeches made during the hideously uncivil divorce referendum campaign, you’d have thought that your average marriage lasted less than Kim Karashian’s (A mere 72 days for those of you not on a constant diet of Entertainment TV) and that Maltese women were ratcheting up husbands like Zsa Zsa Gabor.

There was much agonised discussion about what we could do to strengthen marriages. Then we voted in the referendum and promptly set about forgetting about the dangers of divorce and all the prospective Liz Taylors and Larry Kings among us and moved on to the next contentious issue. Now our attention is diverted to whether the euro will make it, whether Arriva ever will, or if setting up a business assembling Playmobil figures in Corradino is a valid career choice, and all the handwringing and earnestness about saving marriages have apparently been shelved.

Since we’ve moved on so much, it seems that nobody cares to address a factor which gives rise to a considerable number of marriage breakdowns – the utterly distorted and unrealistic view which many people have of the institution.

For many, marriage seems to be a gloriously romantic adventure – a sort of extended version of those pre-wedding DVDs where men are perpetually twirling their girlfriends in the air or racing across wet sand. In this scenario, neither ever grows old and worn, tired or stressed and it’s just an endless walk in the park (or on the beach) in full make-up.

Reading through the how-we-met descriptions of young couples in wedding magazines, I can’t get away from the references to ‘chemistry’ and ‘magic’ and madly beating hearts. They probably don’t realise that they’re mentioning all the beliefs which make up the ideal of romantic love and which is so highly valued in the Western world. The notion of love at first sight, the idea that there’s only one ‘true love’ for each person and the perfection of the beloved, all fall within the romantic love ideal.

It’s all very well of course. Nobody would marry someone he finds totally repellent and we have moved on from the times where marriage was the institution which safeguarded the patrimony and inheritance rights of kinfolk. Love is now considered to be an integral part of the marriage equation (in the Western world at least).

But it seems that the pendulum has swung full circle from the times when marriage was a largely loveless union intended to secure properties and bloodlines, to one where romantic love is the predominant factor for people to get hitched.

For ‘romantic love’ read heady, hormone-fuelled passion which is notoriously hard to maintain, and which can’t be expected to form the basis of a lasting union. Real life – not the one lead by WAGs, celebrities and reality TV stars – is more of a constant endeavour to keep things on an even keel – than swooning around in a permanent state of emotional arousal.

It’s really a case of common sense. Real life requires application in order to fulfil certain obligations. There is little hope in hell of satisfying family and work commitments if you see yourself forever in the role of some romantic hero or heroine. Put it in another way – Cathy and Heathcliffe were great in Wuthering Heights but real life is more of a daily grind than grand declarations of love across the windy moors.

Unfortunately, common sense is taking a back seat and many couples are putting too great a store by passion and not considering the commitment that marriage implies.

Take the case of a Maltese couple who got married on the spur of the moment at a dream Jamaican resort. The Times reports that after a whirlwind romance of a few months, the couple flew to Jamaica for a romantic break. Once there, the magical atmosphere, the white sand and the deep blue of the Caribbean Sea conspired to induce both in a trance of sorts. After an impromptu proposal, they sauntered onto the beach and tied the knot. They had an idyllic honeymoon, but their marriage floundered as soon as the weight of real life impinged upon their dream. An annulment was requested and justly granted.

Now not all weddings are similar spur-of-the-moment affairs, entered into with such gay abandon, but I would say that quite a few are entered into with impossibly romantic illusions. And like the dream wedding couple who are a couple no more, their marriage falls apart in the cold light of reality. There’s a lesson to be learnt there somewhere.

• I’d like to take this opportunity to wish all readers, the editor and staff a very happy Christmas.

cl.bon@nextgen.net.mt