Kind acts key to love

Couples are working hard at their relationships to avoid them falling apart, according to the results of a study published yesterday, Valentine’s Day.

Simple acts of kindness, ranging from taking out the bins to bringing cups of tea in bed, are cited by the 4,000 plus adults in the UK who took part in the survey.

People described many different ways their partner makes them feel appreciated and loved, with simply saying “thank you” and thoughtful gestures being prized most highly. Irritations such as snoring, noisy eating and stacking the dishwasher badly were seen as part and parcel of ongoing relationships.

Sharing values, faith, beliefs or interests with a partner is very highly regarded, and participants expressed disappointment when the everyday experiences of life could not be shared.

“Holding things in common was seen by participants as a key ‘connector’ in the couple relationship, and it was clear that long-term relationships appear to endure through a blend of practical and emotional labour,” said Janet Fink, co-lead researcher on the Open University project, called Enduring Love? Couple Relationships in the 21st Century, funded by the Economic and Social Research Council.

The survey also asked whether a stressful situation such as a house move, bereavement or redundancy may have impacted adversely on their relationship. In fact, responses from participants showed the opposite and suggested couples pull together through such difficult life events.

“The more events participants reported, the higher their scores on our three measures of relationship quality, partner relationship and relationship maintenance,” said Jacqui Gabb, another co-lead researcher.

Information was gathered from 4,212 adults.