Power point presentation

And the elephant shuddered and strained and bellowed and pushed and out came… well, you can answer that for yourself, because whatever answer I’m going to give will be characterised as an apologia for the Nasty Nats if you’re a Peculiar Pundit or a Lil’Elve.

The fact remains, however, that Joseph Muscat’s recipe for bringing down electricity rates (nothing about water, thus far, that is, on Wednesday, when I write this thing) is simply a reprise of his predecessor’s way of doing things, which is basically a quick bout of SimCity on his laptop, with the difference that we don’t have a “reset” button on this particular game.

I watched, with a growing sense of bemusement, the callow youth Muscat sent forth to do battle on his behalf on Bondì+, one Konrad Mizzi. Clearly, this is a highly educated chap, as proven by his liberal use of high-sounding English phrases, which got way more frequent as the stress of trying to explain his leader’s policies started getting to him.

I well remember the day when anyone using English as a means of communication was frowned upon, called all manner of names and generally characterised as a traitor of the working classes.

How things change: now we have Muscat using management-speak as if it is Dun Karm’s own language and his young knights following his example slavishly. They also imitate his irritating smirk and even more irritating habit of being facetious (I’m a fine one to speak but I’m not gasping to be Prime Minister) all the time. Take a look at the ending to the press conference at which Muscat’s power point solution to all our ills was exhibited for our edification, it was dismissive and arrogant in the extreme, before he scuttled away.

Actually, Muscat’s performance throughout was just that, as was his condescending concession on Wednesday morning that “scepticism at the timeline being proposed” was understandable. You can just see the little wheels turning in his head, “poor fools, they just don’t get it, do they? I will be Prime Minister and there’s an end to it”.

Students of body language can have some fun, too, while they analyse his sidelong glances, his downturned eyes and, for that matter, Louis Grech’s obviously growing discomfort.

But let’s take a look at what Muscat is really proposing, shall we?

It is a proposal, even if you take it at face value (always a dangerous step, that, when Labour are concerned; recall the VAT debacle last time someone trusted them) which will save you something less than one miserable euro per day, if that.

It involves building a new power station, right next to the current one (lucky South – and don’t Alternattiva Demokratika have anything to say about that? Apparently not, if Arnold Cassola’s five minutes in the spotlight are anything to go by).

It involves roping in the private sector, who will guarantee low prices, and Muscat is “very confident that this will happen”, meaning that he’s either supremely naïve or knows something he ain’t telling us.

It involves converting the current power station to gas, an exercise that is slightly more than throwing a switch. It involves building jetties and storage tanks and ships (or hiring the latter, which is not exactly a matter of ringing Avis).

All that will cost a pretty sum, duh, quite a few hundred million euros, and all for what?

To create a generation capacity that is way beyond what we need and to cast aside significant investment already made, that’s for what, so Muscat can ride his war horse into victory and mount the steps to Castille triumphantly.

What was not said during the power point press conference, though, was as telling as what was said, to the extent that anything much was said. Who is going to fork out the dosh was not said, for instance, and nor was it said how the “who” would be chosen. We waited with bated breath, man, for a hint but we got nothing except Muscat’s assertion that he was very, very confident that someone would take on the project.

And we were also told, on Wednesday morning, that it was not necessary for a tender process to be undergone, because, hey, we’re only talking about a few hundred million euros, after all.

It was not said, either, how all this would be achieved within the first 12 months of a Labour Government. True, they will have the advantage, if they are given credence and voted in, of the interconnector coming on stream but does anyone, except perhaps Muscat and his laptop, believe that the scale of project that has been dreamt up will be achieved within five years, let alone one?

Better brains than mine will have much more to say, some of them already have said it, but it’s pretty darn clear that Muscat’s consultants gave him a pretty good answer to his question but it would have been really, really nice if the question had been the right one in the first place.

We’re being asked to take on trust Muscat’s assurance that he is very, very confident that it will work when it is patently obvious that it will take a miracle of cosmic proportions for it do so.

And even if it does, and I really wouldn’t advise holding your breath waiting for it to do so, you’re going to end up with the princely sum of a couple of hundred euros to your credit.

Something nice to finish up with: if you’re in the Marsa area and feeling peckish, drop by the Angka Cafe.

It’s a seriously different place, with welcoming staff and food that is healthy, wholesome and, most importantly, good.

imbocca@gmail.com

www.timesofmalta.com/articles/author/20