Stockholm isn’t good for a man’s optic nerve. Or resolve.
Mine gave out within half an hour of entering the old town. Another 10 minutes and my tongue was lolling in a very worrying and uncontrollable way. For more than an hour I did nothing but have sinful thoughts and shot lustful looks through shop windows. All I did was ogle and drool.
I have always been drawn to tarts.
You can go on a canal tour or invest in a Stockholm Card, giving you entry into more than 75 city-wide museums and attractions. But neither is especially sensual. Or naughty.
One of the best and naughtiest ways of exploring the Swedish capital is by going on a coffee-house crawl and seeing how much you can eat before you begin to feel guilty and the pavement stones start to feel like sets of bathroom scales.
The Swedes take their coffee very seriously and pride themselves on being cake connoisseurs and pastry afficionados. Every second in Stockholm, someone is either baking something delicious or cramming something baked and delicious into their mouth. Incidence of Baltic herring abuse is much lower.
Stockholm is just not about smorgasbord. There is life beyond buffets and hot and cold hors d’oeuvres. In Stockholm, there is life after pickled eel, poached salmon and Jansson’s Temptation – sliced potatoes in cream with anchovies. People are rushing about everywhere for their next sugar rush. And a cup of coffee to get the taste of meatballs and Prinskorv sausages out of their mouths.
Stockholmers are caffeine buffs with sweet-teeth as well as briney ones. The city is famous for its cafes, coffee and cakes, which makes sightseeing a mouth-watering experience. Tempt-ation is everywhere. Calorie-loaded gateaux and irresistible, filled muffins are lurking round every corner.
There are also some great-looking buns in Stockholm. You can’t help but notice, admire and lust after them. It is difficult to keep your tongue still in Stockholm.
It is hard to stand in front of a baker or a konditorei without your eyes bulging and your mouth dropping open and looking like you are short of a few important chromosomes.
The window displays in Stockholm’s pastry shops are far more physically appealing than the window displays in Amsterdam. The buns are sensational.
You’ll learn more about Swedes and Scandinavia in Stockholm’s coffee shops than in any museum; you can observe the locals at work and at play; you can learn to tell the difference between Lofbergs and Arvid Norquist coffee beans. Just by fondling them. And to distinguish – from a distance – a biskvier (macaroon) from a pepparkakor (gingerbread cookie). If you are lucky, you might also get a rare sighting of a hallongrottor (raspberry cupcake).
The window displays in Stockholm’s pastry shops are far more physically appealing than the window displays in Amsterdam. The buns are sensational
In Stockholm, you cannot remain indifferent to the traditional arts of pastry-making, baking and coffee-brewing.
They are on everyone’s lips. They are ways of lives and celebrated on every street. Wherever you go at the mouth of Lake Malaren, the locals are busy tipping froth or putting chocolate petit fours in their mouths.
Stockholm is one of the best-smelling cities in Europe. It smells of chocolate eclairs, almond tortes, curd cakes, date crumbles, coconut whirls, banana bread, aebelskiven (pancake balls), floteraftler (waffles), carrot cakes, cinnamon slices, poppyseed cheesecakes, whipped cream, jam and spongecakes.
It is Sin City. Even if you are window-shopping. Or witnessing the ancient pastime and meticulous science of meringue-choosing. As performed by the real experts.
In Stockholm, weight-watching and sightseeing are not the same. Stockholm’s cafes are the perfect place to sit and write those postcards home. The tarts here are lick-smackingly gorgeous. As well as sink your teeth into some of Europe’s firmest, plumpest and most sensually-rewarding buns.