When artist Carmen Vella Gauci lost her 14-year-old son, Andrew, in tragic circumstances three months ago she and her family were thrown into a dark world of grief they did not know how to navigate.

Carmen became emotionally and creatively blocked.

“I dried up. I could no longer paint to express myself. All I could see was red and black,” she recalls.

But when she started attending therapy together with her family, to process the grief, she discovered a new outlet – words. Carmen, an LSE and art teacher, has now published a book of poetry, titled Verses to My Son: In Search of Solace, to help others through grief.

Never one to pen a poem before, words started flowing out of Carmen.

“I would think of a concept or a word and one word would follow the other. It was therapy for me,” she says.

The result was some 300 poems, in Maltese and English, about her grieving process: some are hopeful and light, others angry and dark. Others are reflective and others tell parts of her story.

She talks about her son being the “new angel” in heaven who needs guidance around and jokes at the fact that he was always up to something. She talks about the anger towards gossipers and desire to embrace her son and know he is alright.

She also talks about his organs being donated, writing “whoever took your heart is the luckiest by far. I hope they know how special you are.”

On the matter of organ donation, Carmen adds: “The fact that our son has given new life to others gives us a sense of serenity knowing he lives on in others.”

As Carmen started posting the poems on her Facebook page, she was surprised by the response. People who were experiencing loss started connecting with her and sharing their story. They encouraged her to put her poems into a book to help others process the journey.

And Carmen listened.

'We don't know how to grieve'

Going back three months, she says that nothing could prepare her and her family for the sudden loss and personal tragedy brought about by Andrew’s death.

As she retraced her grieving path, she does not want to talk about her son’s story because of the pain it can evoke in other relatives and friends.

[attach id=1114534 size="large" align="left" type="image"]Carmen Vella Gauci’s book Verses to My Son: In Search of Solace. [/attach]

Carmen notes that while she was lucky enough to be directed to therapists to help her process her grief, she had come to learn that many people go through this alone.

“What this showed me is that there are many faces of grief. Over these months I’ve spoken to many people.

“Grief need not be about a death. It can be in the form of loneliness, something I’ve seen a lot. People can grieve loss of youth. What I realised for sure is that we don’t know how to grieve. We chase happiness and tend to push grief aside. But, if you think about it, we are all going to grieve at some point,” she said.

Carmen notes that grief has different stages: shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, the upward turn, reconstruction and working through as well as acceptance and hope.

People who are grieving will experience the stages in different orders.

But they will experience them all and need to be open to allow them to happen.

Meanwhile, she says, those around them need to respect what they are going through without pushing them to “be brave” or “move on”.

“I want people who read my poems to feel that they are not going crazy for feeling or thinking one way. You’re never alone. Reach out and get help,” she says.

One can get a copy of her book through the Facebook page Verses to My Son.