From prison and drugs to rehabilitation and recovery, one man’s very personal blog posts chronicle his quest to make peace with the past and find his place in the world. Times of Malta talks to reformed heroin addict and self-professed introvert Matthew Brincat about how nurturing the writing talent he discovered in jail helped him articulate his search for meaning and build a new identity as an author, photographer and poet. 

The haunting eyes pierced my screen, jolting me out of my mindless scrolling. A striking face, a brooding gaze and a beautifully crafted photograph... I paused momentarily to put a name to the face, before resuming the bottomless descent of my Facebook feed. Some days later Matthew Brincat popped up again, so I decided to read some of his posts. Boy, was I in for a surprise.

“The more I think of Her, the deeper I sink into an abyss of thought and darkened skies… losing all hope, but Heart is hungry for more of Life, of Sin and its repentant Prayer, of Lustful contractions in between… I am made of passion, of blood gushing through pulses, and I lust at the infinite shapes that Woman takes… I know that no one can see my Soul, but you’ll feel it with every inch of word.”

The words were delicious, evocative, masterful, raw. One man’s longing, adoration, pleasure, pain... the gamut of human emotions delivered with eloquence and candour. In these rare glimpses into another’s innermost desires, we discover that we are all the same. It takes a brave soul to offer up this most precious and comforting gift, but his reward is instant connection and a captive audience. 11,000 Instagram followers do not lie.

A sensitive child, loner and non-conformist, Brincat says he always felt things deeply. His struggle to understand and accept himself led to a 12-year heroin habit and time in prison, instigated by his own father, whose desperate phone call to the police Brincat now credits with saving his life. “I had various overdoses,” he reveals, “wherein one of them, I was even gone for a couple of minutes into that warm white light.”

Speaking of his time behind bars in 2013, he says “I liked the clarity that came thanks to the absence of drugs in my system. It was the time to start facing my past... to forgive and move on. It was here that spiri­tuality came into my life.” He later adopted the role of mentor and public speaker, helping others by sharing his journey “from the self-destruction of heroin addiction to the art of living”.

While in recovery, his emotions found expression in prose. And although his dramatic back-story is worthy of a Hollywood script, it’s Brincat’s sensual and revelatory writing style that takes centre-stage; the early troubles merely setting the scene for the ‘poetic texts’ at the heart of the plot, where the writer comes into his own, with artful creations destined for the spotlight. It’s a fascinating story, so naturally I wanted to hear more of it from the man himself.

Matthew, at the age of 39 you’ve come a very long way, what role has writing played in this inspiring journey?

Writing is the bucket that, tied to a rope, gets my very essence out of the deep well which I am; connecting all the different worlds that I experience in an unrestrictive creative expression.

You describe yourself as an introvert, yet in your blog you share your most intimate thoughts. How did you decide to be so open and honest and do you ever regret it?

When you realise that we all think and experience the same thoughts, you will see that there is nothing intimate or secret about them. What is intimate is the silence within which all of this happens. There’s nothing to regret. People choose what they want to see, and what they perceive is anyway their perception of this; they do not see me, they see themselves through me.

How is your openness received by your audience?

I believe that it renews in them courage, at least in those that really wish to transcend their fear. There is nothing out there that can harm you, unless you allow it to. Once you believe that there is something you have to protect, you have created an enemy from which you need protection from. I deal with what most people deal with, I just make friends of my adversities; I roll up my sleeves and get it done ‒ now, not tomorrow.

You write about your own internal journey; the ebb and flow of struggle and bliss, but you also refer to your blog as a ‘guide’. Do you see yourself as a teacher or ‘life-coach’ to others?

I am myself being guided. I prefer to not see myself as anything, but I know that people find support in what I write and portray, so I’ve learnt to accept that. Some are born to follow, others are born to lead, and only when one is humble is he or she fit to lead and guide.

What is it about writing that you find most rewarding?

The fact that I can now allow myself to express that which is without expression, and which most people don’t find words for; which is why I don’t stick to grammatical structure; you can’t stick to rules when you’re describing the chaotic wilderness of humanity and its transcendence. That’s what is meant by freedom of expression.

To develop and hone your craft, have you had mentors or teachers, or are you self-taught?

No teachers or study; that will just diminish the genius that is already within us all. I simply listen and then write, or not write at all; but I am always listening.

You tackle many aspects of the human experience, from spiritual matters to the everyday... work, nature, love and sex. How do you receive your inspiration?

By listening, seeing, feeling and letting myself experience without judgement.

Tell us about your first published title: Random.

It is very personal and intimate. It is not only poetry, but contains self-help texts addressing the things that are a cause for pain in every one of us. I managed to self-publish this book thanks to the financial support of my brother. Publishing and marketing the book on my own was a beautiful process. More knowledge about my capabilities surfaced, making me believe more in myself; something which I always lacked.

Random sold over 200 copies in its first two months, a rare occurrence in the poetry scene, especially here in Malta. I was invited onto four TV programmes, featured on I Love Malta, I gave a presentation at MCAST, performed at Earth Garden, and met President Marie Louise Coleiro Preca. All of this showed me how to put more trust in life. That is why I am now here, for a more hands-on approach, and to give back from the abundance there is in my life.

Your work is characterised by its intimate subject-matter and occasional explicit language. Self-publishing presumably allows for greater freedoms in this respect; was it a conscious choice?

There was no thinking about self-publishing. My brother came up with the idea and he offered financial help, so I did it. The printer, which is also a publishing house, told me that poetry does not sell; I sold over 500 copies internationally in a few months just with meagre resources and self-wit.

Your photographs are the perfect complement to your writings. Which came first?

Writing came first, which I discovered while in prison. Photography came later in my recovery. Two years ago I decided to buy my first DSLR, then everything changed; the two mediums of expression became one, merging me with them.

Are there times when the superficial side of your work, such as promotion and marketing, is at odds with its deep and meaningful content?

Yes, it happens. It is tricky to interact with a shallow world of self-image importance, when your purpose in life is to actually step beyond that. It is something that has to be done, so I do it with careful compromise.

Some may perceive you as a tortured artist, are your troubles behind you or are you still searching for peace?

My troubles are far behind me now. The torture I went through was because I didn’t accept myself. The only plight there is at times, is that language is still limiting in comparison to what I experience and therefore convey, but even that is put aside and dealt with in silence.

Do you think the work of a contented artist is as interesting or dramatic as that of a tortured one?

Pain and suffering get people engaged. Drama gets people on the edge of their seats. Happiness might put a smile on people’s faces. But when the artist manages to burn all those theatrics and needs down, people will be on tiptoes applauding hysterically, burning in their own everlasting desire to find themselves. A true artist does not care about what people want, or what should or should not be. Art is the rebellion against conformism.

 In your writing you refer to a ‘Creator’ and a ‘realisation of GOD without god’. What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they inform your writing?

My spiritual beliefs encapsulate the core of all religions, and pure physics; i.e. Love and all that is energy ‒ a self-sustainable and self-creating intelligence. Our highest expression comes when we allow that to work through us, which takes trust.

Going forward, in which direction do you see your writing taking you?

Of course, like any other artist, all I wish to do is art, and I dream of being sustained by it. How to make that happen is indeed a dilemma. I just pray to GOD to help me accept Its will for me, while going through life one moment at a time.

You are currently looking for a publisher for your latest pro­ject: Shedding Skins ‒ which you describe as “poetic texts… conversations with the unknown, erotic visions, memories and prayer.” Tell us more.

This book symbolises the journey into my own humanity, the discovery of space beyond the human condition. One has to understand that we are not what we say and think we are; some people call it spirituality, I see it as humanity; the transcendence of self-imposed limitations enforced by society at large.

Writing for me is not about getting the grammar correct. In life you don’t have a backspace key to erase and rewrite, nor time is at your leisure to analyse whatever you’re doing. Life has its own unstoppable tempo, and when ideas come, you have to act fast like a surfer moving swiftly to get on that wave.

Most of human suffering comes from striving to be perfect, which is mechanical, hence the suppression of emotions. We limit ourselves to a self-image, which we judge, and therefore create even higher inhumane expectations. We torture ourselves with structure, of how things should be, rules that kill our spirit and the innate genius (genuineness). Art is the rebellion against conformism. You can’t tell an artist what to do, because it is not something one learns, but rather an expression that comes from within, and the more that is left to its own flow, the higher is the expression. 

I feel this is something people in today’s world need to read, because I know about the wish of being free. The digital era has got us out of touch with reality, and such genuine and raw expression, can help in getting us back to being intimately in touch and intimate with ourselves and our desires. Hopefully, the opportunity to publish with a publisher will arise, and my world will open even further.

Matthew Brincat is based in Gozo. His book Random is available on Amazon. Read his work on Facebook, Instagram at mbrincat, his blog matthewbrincat.com or contact him by e-mail at me@matthewbrincat.com.