Aiming for stressless and 'democratic' families

Fear of the unknown is blamed for the lack of awareness on mental health problems and how to deal with them. This is nothing new. I have been attending seminars and conferences on mental health for a good number of years and I am still hearing the same laments.

I remember going to the launch of the 10-year strategic plan for mental health three years ago, yet the commission is still waiting for its implementation. It seems that although the selection process for someone to manage the plan was finalised three months ago, the appointment has still not been made.

The commission is still waiting for the new terms of reference which should clearly define its role. At the moment the commission has to ask permission for expenditure made from its budget.

It would like to have a certain degree of executive power to be able to manage itself. Although there is recognition that there has been improvement in the sector, there is still a lot to be done.

On Friday the National Commission for Mental Health held a seminar entitled "Stress within the family" as part of a campaign to raise public awareness.

The commission was set up in March 1994 and the National Policy on Mental Health was officially launched in April 1995. The commission's overall responsibility is to monitor the implementation of each stage of the mental health reform and to ensure that the quality of service and the targets identified are reached in accordance with the national policy.

The commission's mission statement is to enhance mental health within our society by fostering conditions for healthy environments in family, school, workplace and community and by offering a range of appropriate services to empower people to cope better with mental health issues thus maximising their productive and social life.

The commission is accountable to the Minister of Health.

I did not see many of the 17 members of the commission, no minister or MP were present, although the latter were tied up as Walter Schwimmer, secretary-general of the Council of Europe was addressing Parliament at the time.

And Helen D'Amato, who chairs the parliamentary Social Affairs Committee, was in Slovenia giving a keynote speech dealing with employment and people with mental health problems and initiatives being undertaken in Malta.

Mainly it was people who work in the sector who turned up; one other media representative was present and her husband was one of the speakers, which might have been relevant or not.

There were four speakers at the seminar but the most poignant message came from Grace Previ, who spoke about her experiences coping with her husband who suffers from mental health problems.

It takes courage for both her and her husband to "come out" on the issue. But it is precisely this kind of retelling of experiences which go a long way to help the general public understand that mental illness is not a plague. It is not catching and should not carry a stigma.

Mrs Previ said that the most difficult step is to accept the illness. "It took me a long time," she said. The next is to have the courage to ask for support, she said, and support is crucial. They got their initial support from their family GP who referred them to the relevant professionals.

Dealing with the stress involved is another important element "if you are stressed you cannot help the one who needs you", said Mrs Previ. She said that she is a great walker, in fact some people know her as "the lady who walks", she says with a grin. Her energy and wit come through as she talks.

"At the beginning I made my husband's problem worse because I used to nag him. It is very difficult to know what to do unless you get professional advice.

"Do I spoil him or do I tell him to pull himself together? These were questions I was constantly asking myself," she said.

But she got support and she learnt to cope.

One name that kept cropping up at the seminar, and I recall it occuring at other similar events, was Connie Magro of the Mental Health Association.

So if anyone needs help on the issue, that is a name to jot down.

Mrs Previ also mentioned that patience is essential when living with someone with a mental health problem. "They tend to repeat themselves, but sometimes it is through the repetition of an occurrence that enlightens you to what is causing the anxiety", she said.

Mrs Previ is a seasoned speaker; she has given talks to HSBC, BoV staff and the Police Academy to help them recognise the signs of people suffering from the ailment and how to deal with them.

Other speakers included Dr Angela Abela, chair of the National Family Commission, Clarissa Sammut Scerri, head of the Family Therapy services at Appogg, and Charles Azzopardi, family team member, Sedqa. The commission's chair, Dr Marie Therese Camilleri Podestà, opened and closed the seminar.

Dr Abela pointed out the pressure put on families through consumerism and advertising. She said that there is an imbalance between family and home commitments. A survey in the USA revealed that two-thirds of the people involved said they would give more time into earning more and gaining better status than with their family. We have no such local data.

Another point she brought up was that there is nothing more stressful than to be trapped in an unhappy marriage and local research has found that 20 per cent of the population are unhappy in marriage.

Ms Sammut Scerri said that the service provided for family therapy was under-resourced and that they have nine new families a month seeking help. Appogg had 66 families on their waiting list last August, she said.

That begged the question of how many professional family therapists we have on the island. Very few apparently but there are a few amateurs who sometimes cause more harm than good.

There is no register of professional family therapists. Dr George Grech from Caritas speaking from the floor said that there was a need for networking between the service providers and the specialists. Resources and time are being lost and we sometimes have a revolving door situation, he said.

Charles Azzopardi gave a refreshing talk because he got down to the brass tacks of dealing with the problems that cause family stress which could lead to mental health problems. For example, he mentioned that parents, understandable, anger and intolerance on discovering their child is taking drugs further distances parents and child and delays resolution or at least understanding.

He spoke of the effect on sexual relations because of family stress which causes further alienation and stress.

Many other topics were raised throughout the morning including domestic violence. The issue of the perpetrator still not being removed from the family home by court order was raised. Which means that it is the wife and children who are being violated who have to flee the family home.

Are women advancing or regressing?

The latter topic in the previous item, unsurprisingly, also surfaced at another seminar yesterday. The Guzè Ellul Mercer Foundation invited women to discuss the topic in the heading.

I found the seminar stimulating because there were so many interesting interventions, not only from the panel but also from everyone present. It was good to be at a forum where both women's groups from the political parties acknowledged the need for solidarity on this issue.

The seminar - held in remembrance of Agatha Barbara's achievements as a female politician - was lively, argumentative but very positive.

Anna Mallia, a lawyer, appealed to the banks to change their policies which tie women to the responsibility of repaying loans made by their husbands without their knowledge.

She complained that many of the reforms put forward by the first Commission for the Advancement of Women have still not been fulfilled. She urged all women to put aside partisan politics because we need a concerted effort to ensure we gain what we are entitled to.

Rosanne Galea, president of the Association for Women in Business, lamented the lack of appointments of women on 'business' boards, and the need for training for women who are trying to start their own business.

In fact, we have seen few women, if any, appointed anywhere. We still do not have a female judge. The recent appointments have yet again bypassed the women.

Pauline Miceli, a teacher, spoke about the still unequal pay and status for men and women, despite lip service on equality. She said that it was unfortunate that young women she comes across still hold the traditional view of woman's place.

She said that women are taking the brunt of the erosion of the welfare state. Women are still society's unpaid carers. She appealed for flexible structures to enable workers, both men and women to balance work and family.

Josephine Camilleri, for the Labour Women's group, said that although we have come a long way since married women had to give up their jobs on marriage, women are still being discriminated against. The laws do not reflect reality to the detriment of women. She said women are entitled to power as much as men which does not mean they are superior, just equal.

Mary Ann Debono from the Commission on Disability said that women with a disability are discriminated against twice, as women and as disabled. She spoke about the lack of access to many local councils and the lack of awareness and sensitivity on disabled people's sexual relationships.

Helen Mallia, a GWU official, said that we talk a lot but nothing happens. Women are still discriminated against in the workplace. Harassment still takes place and we have to educate girls who are about to leave school to join the workforce to fight back and know their rights.

There is still discrimination in promotions, she said.

She also mentioned that although there is always a fuss if men are made redundant, women losing their jobs does not make news.

Josephine Abela, mayor of Mtarfa, said that her local council not only has access for the disabled but also employs disabled staff. She talked about the superiority some women demonstrate to women who are housewives and appealed for more education and awareness about women's issues and lifestyles.

Lina Caruana for the Nationalist Women's group urged for a forum where women and men can discuss the issues concerning discrimination. She said that teachers can never replace parents and the family should be valued. She said she did not believe in positive discrimination because if a woman is capable she will succeed.

I wish that were true. If it were, there would be a lot more women in positions of power and we would not need such seminars.

Josanne Cutajar said that we should ensure we include all women - the elderly, single parents, lesbians and foreign women.

National Council of Women president Grace Attard called for training in gender for the judiciary, the legal profession as a whole, doctors and the police. She called for preventative work on domestic violence which means nipping the problem in the bud and GPs liaising with other services.

The Opposition spokesperson on women, Helena Dalli, spoke about her frustrations on trying to get joint party concessus on women's issues like breast screening and the fact that things she had got rolling while Minister for Women have not progressed.

A point made by Dr Camilleri Podestà at the seminar the previous day was echoed by Ms Miceli and Ms Abela, namely that women, especially the housewife, is expected to be 'in' for the gasman and other services.

My contribution was that we women have to fight for everything we get. I have been writing about women's issues for over a decade and I have seen a regression in attitudes towards women recently.

Men will never share their power willingly.

Whereas the political parties and the media were making efforts to redress the balance of inequality a few years ago, we seem to have reached a hiatus.

It is no wonder that women are re grouping in solidarity. We need to ensure we not only do not lose what we have gained, but continue to advance towards achieving equal power in deciding the future of our and our children's lives.