Act 1
2013
Labour wins the election and Edward Zammit Lewis becomes the new tourism minister. Air Malta falls under his portfolio. His job is to follow a five-year restructuring plan put in motion in 2011, when the EU gave the Maltese government €200 million over five years to save the airline. Hundreds of workers had been given early retirement schemes in order to streamline the workforce.
Edward Zammit Lewis (texting): Yorgen (Fenech, business mogul)! Joseph made me Minister of Air Malta. We can be friends now! Just tell me and I’ll be there. Int okay? All okay?
No reply.
2016
EZL (texting): Yorgen! I am still Minister of Air Malta. But I am not sure what’s happening exactly. When I go there, everyone bil-geddum. We cut some flights because someone said we’re losing millions of euros. But I’m being told to keep recruiting new people, you know the election is round the corner my friend.
Int okay? All okay? I miss you so much.
YF: xxx
EZL: Illaħwa! Thank you! Thank you for replying!
Act 2
2017
Labour wins the general election in 2017 but Zammit Lewis is not elected to parliament. His portfolio is given to Konrad Mizzi, who had set up a secret company in Panama to “populate his assets” with our tax money and was not kicked out by the then prime minister.
EZL (texting): Yorgen, I can’t believe it. Posers with zero political competence made it to parliament instead of me. This is what the Ġaħan Labour voter wants, someone to serve them.
Int okay? All okay? I miss you so much. Text me.
No reply.
Exit Zammit Lewis; enter Konrad Mizzi
Konrad Mizzi (addressing staff): Good morning everyone! I am the new Minister for Air Malta! Let’s increase the flights! Let’s get new planes! Let’s go to New York! Beijing! Mumbai! The moon! Don’t worry! I have a good track record! I know Air Malta! My father worked here for many years!
Air Malta staff: (slow clapping)
KM: Pilots! Why are you not clapping?! Don’t worry I got my lawyers – former president George Abela and his son, Robert! And we included a clause in your contract so that if, one day, you’ll be made redundant, you’ll be guaranteed a government job with the same pay! We deliver! We are credible! L-aqwa żmien!
2018
KM: Hello Air Malta! It’s me again! I’m appointing my father as chairman of Resources Support and Services Limited! His job will be to interview you and persuade you to go and work in government departments! There’s no conflict of interest! Shame on you for thinking that!
AM staff: (collective sigh).
2019
KM: Good morning press! Welcome to the presentation of Air Malta’s accounts of 2018! Last year, we made more flights than ever! Even though we used less fuel than ever, isn’t that… magic?! You are not fit for purpose if you don’t believe me! We made a profit for the first time in 20 years! I am a star! Air Malta has a bright future! We have a good track record!
We lost faith in Air Malta because a lot of promises had not been kept- Kristina Chetcuti
Journalists: How about you tell us about your track record in Panama?
KM (vein popping): Istħi!
Act 3
2020
Joseph Muscat is brought down by allegations that he had protected people, among them Fenech, allegedly linked to the 2017 murder of journalist Daphne Caruana Galizia. He denies wrongdoing. Mizzi is pushed out of the Labour Party and is relegated to the backbench. Robert Abela becomes prime minister.
Robert Abela (purple in the face): This can’t go on. Air Malta is sucking us dry. Sack some 60 pilots!
Lengthy, silent pause.
RA (white as sheet): Oh right, we can’t because of that irregular clause in their contract signed by me. Get them back in.
2021
In Brussels.
Abela (bowing like a geisha): Misis Ursula, hello, it’s me, em, Robert Abela, yes, the new one, no no, I don’t know Joseph Muscat, promise. Erm, can the commission give us permission to, uh, donate from our taxes €290 million to Air Malta? To save it, ta.
Ursula Von der Leyen: Auf. Just go and come up with a more realistic figure.
An undisclosed time later.
RA: Hello. Can I speak to Misis Ursula please, I have a new figure… more realistic ġifieri?
EU Commissioner Vestager: No Ursula. You have to make do with me. The answer is no. We lost faith in Air Malta because a lot of promises had not been kept.
RA (wails): Clyde!
Act 4
2022
Enter Clyde Caruana, the new finance minister
CC: Air Malta is struggling. We hadn’t made a profit in 2018 but we won’t bother Mizzi about that. We are losing €170,000 from our taxes every day. Even so, Air Malta still sponsors events like the Malta Film Awards. So, with my new plan, 470 workers will be made redundant. We’ll find them jobs with the government where they will be still paid from our taxes. We’ll slash the number of flights and routes… (bla, bla …).
Journalists: Will you publish the accounts for the last three years, so we know where the money went?
CC (coughs): Even though we’re obliged to, we won’t. Because we have to be serious about this new plan.
To be continued