Every week two-year-old Ben’s* foster parents take him to the Appoġġ offices to spend a few hours with his biological mum and dad. Claudia Calleja spoke to both families.

Foster my child

When Grace* was giving birth she knew she would not be able to raise her son as he was going to be taken away under a care order until she got her life together.

“Back then I was angry and could not understand why they were taking my baby. But now I understand that fostering was the one good thing that happened to us,” she says as her partner, Michael*, nods in agreement.

“Without the help of Maria* and George* I can’t imagine where we’d be. We are not in a position to look after a baby and Ben would probably be in an institution,” she says, pressing the belly of a snowman soft toy that starts jingling.

“He loves things that jingle like mobile phones. So I bought him this today. I think he’ll love it,” she says.

Grace recounts how, 12 years ago, she had another son, Luke*, with another man.

Unable to care for him, Luke ended up in a home for the first seven years of his life until, a few years ago, he returned home.

“He is my world,” she says, stroking his hair gently while he carefully colours in a picture.

When he hears his mother speak about him, Luke looks up and says softly: “I wish I was fostered rather than living in an institution. Living in a family is always better.”

Grace and Michael are now working to try to rebuild their lives and solve their problems so that, one day, they can take Ben home.

The couple have turned to God for help to overcome Michael’s drink problem and Grace’s impulsive, erratic character.

Appoġġ’s social workers have been following Grace for many years and, when she got pregnant with Ben, they prepared her for the fact that a care order would be issued since she was not capable of looking after a baby.

In the meantime, the foster carers were prepared and handed the baby straight from hospital.

“It was not easy to see my child taken, but during these two years I realised that Ben is doing well and he is growing. What is most important to me is that he knows we are his parents. He even has our photos,” Grace says.

“He is in good hands. They are kind people and a good family who support us too... I’ve learnt that fostering is the best option for children whose parents cannot look after them for whatever reason.”

Family on loan

“Mummy Maria” walks into Appoġġ and hands over Ben to ‘mummy Grace’ with a kiss.

The transition is seamless except for the fact that three-year-old Sara*, who is also fostered by the couple, starts crying when Ben leaves the room.

Her ‘papa’ calms her down with a toy mobile phone and she soon calls out to “mama” for her little pink water flask.

The couple are very aware that both Sara and Ben may return to their biological families one day – and they are prepared for it.

“When you decide to go for fostering you have to keep in mind the interest of the child and expect nothing in return... At home we have photos of both their parents,” George says.

His wife adds: “We want them to know who their parents are. At night, when we say our prayers, we pray for their parents... The way I see it is that we are all bound to experience separations throughout our lives even from our natural children. This will be another separation I will cope with like all the others.”

Like Grace and Michael, the couple find support in their faith and this helps them keep the bigger picture in mind during difficult moments.

Maria feels many people want to help these children in need of a home but are held back by the fear that the child may be taken away from them one day.

“I think people need to get over that initial fear... I admit that some form of fear will always be there, but it helps you keep your feet grounded in reality,” she says.

George points out that the foster carer training offered by Appoġġ helps prospective foster parents realise what they are getting into and prepare themselves. It also offers support throughout the experience.

However, while he praises the support structure offered by Appoġġ, he feels the rooms where children spend time with their natural parents need to be made less clinical and more child-friendly.

As for the fear of the child returning to his parents, the couple say: “At least we know that we gave these children love and a good upbringing that they will carry with them all their lives.

“Children need the love of a family especially in the first five years of their life. Once they have that they have a solid background and a shoulder to lean on and can face the problems life throws at them.”

*Names and certain details have been changed.

Fostering facts

Eight newborn babies were placed directly into foster care this year but 70 children remain in institutions waiting for a home, recent figures show.

The figures, released in October, show that 193 children are in foster care. Of these, 72 are being fostered by relatives.

Those in need foster care are children and adolescents who usually come from troubled families that may not be able to take care of them for various reasons, ranging from health problems to abuse.

The main aim of fostering is to give children a family environment where they can live until the situation at their home is sorted out. Fostering can be short or long term and includes: kinship fostering by relatives; and emergency fostering when carers are needed.

The last Budget increased the social benefit for foster care from €40 to €70 per week, and raised the age range from 18 to 21. There was also an allocation of €73,000 for children with special needs in foster care.

www.appogg.gov.mt