Assisting the grieving

Many of us have or are experiencing the loss of a loved one. Words cannot describe the void that is left behind. But the painful bereavement process has its positive side. People who have had the courage to stay with the pain through mourning tend to be more resilient and appreciative of life than those who have never had the experience of losing a dear one. It seems that there is hope in grief as well.

Since grief can strike anyone at any time, how should we help at this difficult time?

Be present. Instead of trying to find the right comforting words just give space to your bereaved friend to share with you how s/he feels in the situation.

Recall happier times. It would be a good idea if in the homily at the funeral the fun times are recalled. Recalling beautiful moments can help to relieve the immense pain experienced by the family.

Acknowledge the right to grief. For some people the grieving period might go on for several years. Contrary to what people think, allowing the bereaved to cry (and crying with them) really helps.

Comfort with touch. When done with the utmost care, respect and at the right time, touch can bring about a lot of healing. A comforting squeeze of the hand may convey a message of gentle understanding and reassurance.

Be of service. Lend a helping hand with the household chores to help the bereaved slowly find the pace of her/his life again.

Relieve the pain. An effective way of relieving the bereaved's pain is when a friend conveys the message that life has to go on. We do not really respect the dead by dying with them but by affirming that, amid the darkness and doom of this trial, new life is still there to be discovered and lived. Symbolic gestures are eloquent examples of a love for life. Hence, it is healthy that a daughter grieving for her father's death would put her baby on her parents' bed and says "Here is new life".

Keeping in touch. By visiting grieving friends from time to time, including them in social events as well as keeping a watch on their emotional needs is an excellent way of showing ongoing care to them.

The more we walk with people who suffer, the more we value the gift of life and friendship. Robert Browning said it all when he wrote: "I walked a mile with Sorrow/ and ne'er a word said she;/ But oh, the things I learned from her/ When Sorrow walked with me!"