So St Paul came to Malta via a shipwreck. Some idiots, and a few atheists, think it would have been better if the sea was less choppy and he'd have had an easier trip to Rome to go meet his end with trusty, don't-mention-cockerels, Peter.

These disillusioned souls reason that we'd have remained jolly old pagans enjoying all our liberty and liberalised ways with no popes or bishops to keep us all good and holy. First of all I do hope they realise that in that case—if we missed the boat and didn't embrace Christianity, thanks to its sinking—we'd have had at least two great holidays less in our calendar. Because besides celebrating the shipwreck with a holiday Malta also has another holiday—June 29th when the two erstwhile apostles were dispensed to kingdom come. Where would we Maltese be—if we were pagans— without our feasting and our rabbit stew?

St Paul achieved a lot for us as a nation. One of the most important things was that divorce was introduced nearly 2000 years after he casually visited us. He came, I imagine on one of the cruise ships passing by our shores which unfortunately hit a huge rock on its way while trying desperately to bypass us.

Now imagine if we had accepted divorce 2000 years before it became part of our laws. First of all we would have been bored to death by it: even liberals would have clamoured for its repeal to give us some colour and zest. Secondly we'd have had no referendum—which excited us no end. Thirdly what would Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando have been born to achieve if not grant us our divorce laws? Imagine a world of such boring sameness as one without Jeffrey.

A few other extras gained by St Paul's visit and our subsequent conversion to Christianity: no pope would come racing around our island thus obliging all roads ministers to get some roads nicely tarmacked—for fear some papal encyclical condemning potholes would be issued and the minister responsible burnt at the stake.

The list of good stuff St Paul bequeathed to us is endless. So please you silly heathen detractors keep off our backs.

One of the things we should definitely "unearth", even if we have to forge his signature, is a letter sent to us by St Paul. In it he tells us what a great time he had here chasing vipers and swimming in our limpid sea. He will end his missive by saying how he wished he had stayed on in Malta and therefore would not have gone on to the next, to-die-for, stop in his tour.