We are living in extraordinary circumstances that are driving each and every one of us to our limits and beyond.

Whether we are living it solo, with a partner or parenting kids, living day-in-day-out facing the intense emotions that are being provoked in us during these times, whether they are our own, or those close to us, is truly a nerve-wracking and potentially emotionally shattering experience.

Fear, anxiety, feelings of depression from being stuck indoors or sheer exhaustion from trying to juggle between parenting and work demands may just be a few of the emotions that are flooding our psyche and which we might be finding ourselves to be struggling with at the moment.

So before moving further, let us reward ourselves with a pat on the back even for somehow getting by and for keeping psychologically afloat in this global pandemic.  We should remember to do this regularly.

Apart from the anxiety and fear generated by the virus itself, one of the reasons everything has become so stressful is because through lockdown and social distancing, so many dimensions of life have been taken away from us. Before the pandemic, life outside the family was necessary for our healthy psychological life within the family.

The presence of social groups and extended family were sources of support in dealing with the stress that stems from keeping a family.   This could come in the form of actual practical help with childcare.   Or it could be in the form of a necessary psychological space and separation from family life, while at the same time keeping oneself occupied in an exciting, pleasant and meaningful activity.

Social psychologists and symbolic interactionists have a lot to say about how our sense of self is built on how others see us; they propose that others are our ‘mirror’ in that we see ourselves through other peoples’ eyes. So from this we can draw that upon how varied this reflection is, the more balanced we will experience it to be.

We have almost entirely become the parent, the partner or the daughter or the brother, etc. with all the internal dynamics and emotions that these roles and responsibilities bring with them

So, it is easier to understand what social distancing and lockdown in this pandemic, apart from the more obvious direct losses, have taken away from us.  One has to include this very important significant factor: this varied important ‘other’ for a balanced and good sense of self.

In practice, for those of us who have to keep a family during lockdown, our identity has been taken over almost entirely by who and what we are at home. We have almost entirely become the parent, the partner or the daughter or the brother, etc with all the internal dynamics and emotions that these roles and responsibilities bring with them.

If these were already perhaps a source of stress and turmoil in our lives before this pandemic, let us understand to what extent they will probably become an even greater one during this time.

In addition, to make matters worse, COVID-19 has left us on our own to experience these losses and raw emotions in isolation, without finding much physical space and time to figure ourselves out; let alone think of ways by which we can atone for these losses in our daily life in order to keep our mental sanity.

Then, throw into the mix simultaneous expectations of full-time work demands by employers. Simply put, without any beating around the bush, all these factors are bound to render family life right now a recipe for disaster. If we don’t properly respond to these problems, one of the greatest psychological risks of this pandemic is to strain excessively our family relationships at the price of our psychological well-being.

Let us make ourselves and our families a priority during this time. Let us assert the importance of heeding to our psychological requirements and those of our families since this is of utmost importance for our psychological survival and that of our loved ones.

However, we cannot wait for this to happen on its own; decisions are to be taken; we need to be the ones to take this responsibility by making it our most urgent priority during this pandemic. 

There are many ways we can do this: one of which is reading professional self-help material available online or calling the 1770 – the 24-hour helpline that has been set up in collaboration with the Richmond Foundation. Online therapy is also being offered by many mental health clinics over the island.

In my next article, I will attempt to provide some practical tips that may prove helpful in managing this time more effectively.

But since we are currently battling Goliath, we must remember to respect our own rhythm and pace and be gentle with ourselves while embracing and still loving ourselves in the moments that we feel we are failing.

Louisa Mifsud Houlton is a psychologist and psychotherapist.