That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, after a six-month unplanned leave of absence I am back to fill that gaping, Calvert-sized hole in your Sunday mornings.

As you can imagine, the pandemic essentially rendered me obsolete, or, as my wife might suggest, even more obsolete than usual. After all, what good is a sport writer when there isn’t any to write about?

But with sport tentatively finding its way back into our lives, albeit in a spectatorless fashion, it’s time for me to dust off the spurs get back in the saddle. (It’s a strong horse, animal rights people, a very strong horse).

So why don’t we kick things off again with a little prediction to get your Sunday juices flowing: Liverpool will not retain their title.

“Poppycock!” Liverpool fans around the island scream into their cornflakes as they read that sentence. (*)

But I’m serious. I don’t think they will.

I am not, for one second, taking anything away from the team that absolutely destroyed the league last time out. Liverpool were probably one of the most deserving title winners in history, going on a relentless march to glory that not even a global pandemic could halt.

However, I suspect the ease with which they won it last year, combined with the relief of ending their three decades of hurt, may take the edge off their performances this season.

Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t going to slip down the league and struggle for European football – they are way too good for that. But I think a Manchester City team stung by a rather appalling season will be hungrier and more driven than Jurgen Klopp’s lads.

It will be tighter than Kim Kardashian’s undies, but I see Pep Guardiola coming out on top of this year’s tussle.

The most interesting thing about this season, however, will be the overall level of competitiveness at the top end of the table. Last season, most of the league’s big boys started social distancing before doing so became trendy, keeping a very safe distance from Liverpool from the word go.

This time all the main contenders are better equipped and prepared for the race.

Manchester United, for example, are building well under Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. I don’t think they are quite ready for a full-on title push, but I don’t see them finishing anything like 33 points off the pace again.

Down in London, Chelsea have dusted off their copy of the Buy-Your-Way-To-Success handbook that served them so well in the past. I suspect this season could be a bit too soon for everything to gel for Frank Lampard, but with the squad they now have its almost inevitable they will push the top teams hard.

Then you have Arsenal, Tottenham Hotspur and Everton.

You could argue that those three are all in a bit of a transition phase with relatively new managers trying to rebuild their squads while getting existing players to adapt to a new style. Or possibly a lack of it, in José Mourinho’s case.

But all three teams have very talented squads, and two of them have vastly experienced managers who have won all sorts of trophies in all sorts of countries. I wouldn’t be surprised if everything clicked for one of those teams and they had a season beyond expectations. Maybe even two of them.

All in all, unlike last season, I don’t see the top six or seven places being a procession but more of a cartoon-like free-for-all with fists flying and many telling blows landed on opponents. Should be fun to watch.

So while it will be close at the top, what’s it going to be like at the bottom?

Well, you’re probably not going to be overly surprised that I think Fulham and West Bromwich Albion are going down. I have nothing against either of them, but newly-promoted teams traditionally struggle in the top flight and I haven’t seen anything that either has done in preseason to make me feel they are going to take the league by storm.

As welcome as a stray fart in a spacesuit

Leeds United, the third promoted team, are probably safe. In Marcelo Bielsa they have a manager whose skills weren’t actually best suited to life in the Championship but who still managed to get them promoted as champions.

The Argentinian has been around the block more times than a lost Bolt delivery driver, managing clubs and countries at the highest level. If he can’t figure out a way to keep Leeds in the top flight at the first time of asking, then nobody can.

So if West Brom and Fulham are as good as down, who will be joining them? Well, there are, as always, plenty of candidates. My own Sheffield United will probably be on many people’s list of potential ‘relegatees’ (new word, let’s go with it).

The buzz of being back in the top flight has worn off and opponents know a bit more about what to expect from the Blades, making them vulnerable. But Chris Wilder is a tough, no-nonsense manager who will simply forbid relegation, and thus it shall not come to pass.

Crystal Palace are a team that seem to be treading water – a dangerous approach in a league where the currents are perpetually trying to sweep you downwards. And Brighton & Hove Albion, while having a superb young manager, give me the perpetual impression they are enjoying it while it lasts.

Even so, I think all of those will be just about safe.

West Ham United, however, I can see going down. The current levels of unrest at that club are beyond a joke. Even the Hammers’ captain felt compelled to publicly question the way the club is run after they sold rising star Grady Diangana. To West Brom, of all teams.

Of course, just because a club has unpopular owners does not necessarily mean things will go to pieces on the pitch. The Glazers were about as welcome as a stray fart in a spacesuit when they arrived in Manchester, but trophies have trickled in and the club is being rebuilt in a way that feels calm and considered.

West Ham, however, come across as shambolic, lurching from controversy to failure and back again. They feel like a club where everything could implode at any given moment. And I suspect it will at some point over the next nine months.

So there you have it, my predictions for this season. Of course, many of you – supporters of Liverpool, West Ham, West Brom and Fulham in particular – will try to take comfort from the fact that they rarely come true.

But don’t count those chickens too quickly – last season I said Liverpool would win the league, Man City would come second and Norwich would finish last.

The prediction tide could be turning…

* Feel free to substitute ‘Poppycock’ with something more accurate but less newspaper-friendly at your convenience.

Email: james@findit.com.mt
Twitter: @maltablade

Final table predicted

Man City
Liverpool
Chelsea
Man United
Spurs
Arsenal
Everton
Leicester
Wolves
Southampton
Newcastle
Sheffield Utd
Burnley
Leeds
Aston Villa
Crystal Palace
Brighton
West Ham
Fulham
West Brom