Can we have some more?

I was completely shattered and floored when I learnt about the fate of Malta's first Commissioner for Children. What a shame!

But first I have a confession to make. My shrink tells me that I am still traumatised by what I passed through during my deprived and unhappy childhood. You see, we did not have a Commissioner for Children in those days. Teachers would shout at us and give us too much homework and ministries imposed laws that had a very negative effect on the way parents treated their children.

My father - God bless his soul - was exceptionally hopping mad when income tax was imposed on his profit-making activities, way back in 1947 when I was just a two-year toddler. Suddenly, he adopted such a foul mood that he did not even bother to kiss me goodnight for some two or three months. His mood at home became intolerant and I had no one to turn to, except my dear mother who - I later found out - was in cahoots with my father! Ah, the privileges that today's children do not appreciate!

The income tax episode left an indelible mark on my life. In fact, it is still haunting me to this day! And so we have had generations of children, one after the other, all without the support of a Commissioner for Children. No wonder this country is in such a big mess!

But I digress. Malta needed a Commissioner for Children as much as our roads needed a facelift. But, come to think of it, what about teenager sexuality? I still remember the trauma of discovering my sexuality (heterosexual) as a young teenager. Groping in the dark was hardly a healthy way to do it. There is definitely a case for the appointment of a Commissioner for Teenage Sexual Awareness.

As one grows up, one has different needs that could only be seen to by different commissioners. For example, the Diocesan Commission for Youth has recently publicly commented on what has been happening in New Year's Eve parties that do not seem to be under anybody's control. A Commissioner for New Year's Eve Parties is certainly indicated.

And what about circuses? Isn't it evident that we need a Commissioner for Circuses with Animals? And, obviously, a Commissioner for Human Circuses as well!

Talking of animals, I recall having read somewhere that in Malta pigs are being badly treated at the abattoir and egg-laying chicken are being abandoned in their batteries. This surely calls for the appointment of a commissioner for pigs and another one for chicken (no puns intended).

While at it, I think that a commissioner for stupid complaints and ridiculous contributions in the press (oops!) is also fervently needed.

Once Parliament appoints these commissioners, they would then be in a position to order Parliament to change the law that set them up in the first place. They would also demand enough resources to set up an office complete in a building away from the ministry that is responsible for them and be given as much money as they feel they need to run the show. They would also claim "Ombudsman" status to ensure their independence (except for money) beyond any interference from the government of the day.

Yes this is tomorrow's brave new world.

Please, dearest nanny state, can we have some more - commissioners, that is?

micfal@maltanet.net