Drama queens - and kings

No sooner, it seems, have school doors closed on the students for the summer recess, than the media is inundated with advertisements for satchels, stationery and related paraphernalia. In a somewhat similar manner, no sooner have television and radio stations switched to humdrum mode for summer, than in between the padding they start injecting bits and bobs of what we can expect come the winter schedule, when "everybody watches television".

As things stand, 100 Siegha ta' Xarabank were telescoped into just two hours of worthwhile viewing. Sometimes, one wishes all television could be as condensed like that. What's on offer often feels like the advert where children are supposedly drinking fruit drinks; yet the straws are transparent, and it is obvious that nothing is being sucked up through them.

Come the cold, however, there will be a battle-royal on the drama front, with one publicity stunt being the keeping of a script or two under wraps - because they are not ready yet or because the filming hasn't even started.

In The X-Files, Series Three episode Wetwired, the character Joseph Patnik has been conditioned by a secret signal transmitted through his television set, to believe that anyone he sees is the Bosnian war criminal Lladoslav Miriskovic - unto mistaking his wife for him, and killing her as well as four other people. The storyline has him transferred to the Frederick County Psychiatric Hospital in Braddock Heights, freaking out in a blue funk as he watches a news report on his nemesis.

I wonder what Mr Patnik would have made of the same faces, appearing again and again, on different television stations, in different series, in different guises? Especially if he had to chance upon their faces also in their 'real' life - Malta being such a tiny place - dining out, shopping, teaching, as an integral part of a media column, presenting programmes, singing, shopkeeping... With the number of dramatic arts schools that have mushroomed in recent years, one would have expected the load to be somewhat lightened for him - and the rest of us. But alas, it was not.

Then there will be those programmes that pander to the voyeuristic tendencies of viewers, and the avaricious ones of people are urged to try and make 'easy money' by competing in game shows. It is all very well for us to pit our wits against them - and win... but we are not under 'examination conditions', and therefore not as much on edge as they.

When I asked whether or not some of the vacant posts (CEO Designate, Head of News) at PBS were really going to be filled after the university results came out, I was told that this was the first time the person I talked to had heard the rumour. The reply reminded me of when I had asked whether Radju Bronja would die the death, and I had been admonished about jumping to conclusions because of "misinformed or unfounded rumours".

An acquaintance of mine had long been carrying out work way above her job description and areas of responsibility, because there was no one officially in that position. When, however, the post proper was advertised and she applied for it, the Board's report ironically indicated that she was not up to scratch. Yet, she had been trusted with that job for aye, and, to this day, is still the first person her senior turns to when problems arise.

In the same way, I cannot understand how intelligent, sincere, conscientious persons who have left - or been made to leave - PBS, are still working in the media, far better - in my opinion - than do those who have replaced them at the Station of the Nation.

In last week's column I mentioned those who place interviewees and guests on a lower level (literally) than themselves, that they may have a subliminal advantage over them in the eyes of the viewers. This tactic, of course, appears in other guises. There are those who invite people to act, dance or sing - and then muck about onstage during the act, either to distract attention from the talented person who was, perhaps, hoping that there is a talent scout on the other side of the screen - or else by constantly keeping the person 'in his place' by body language or certain comments passed to other guests, who then react while someone else is centre stage (not realising that, later, they will be submitted to the same treatment).

On radio, the former ruse does not work, so it goes differently. The presenter asks a question, to which she probably already knows the answer. Then, as the guests speak, she (or he) passes sotto voce comments, or completes sentences for the experts, or even answers the callers herself before the other person may get a word in edgewise.

Having the prefix E- could have made E22 sound like an additive - but when it comes to their news bulletin (e-news, of course), the analogy does not hold; indeed what I call the News ABCD (Agency, Bureau, Centre, Department) of other stations could take a couple of hints from the way it is broadcast. One of the items concerned the visit of Munro Forbes, whose seminars this past week were meant to remind those responsible for television programming of the inevitable facts: i) viewers, these days, are in possession of a remote control; ii) miracles must be wrought from a combination of limited time, finances and personnel; iii) liberalisation has also meant fragmentation of audiences (and, dare I add, a tinier share of the advertising pie?); and iv) every single clip must be prepared, every item planned, beforehand (i.e., some things under the umbrella excuse of 'these things happen in a live transmission' could be avoided). Nonetheless, one notes that the man was "impressed", although he urged his "professional trainees", as all teachers are wont to do, to try harder.

Which means, presumably, no more sentences such as "Spielberg's film about Munich will be called Munich", and a Black Mark for PBS, because last Monday it showed the number plate of a red car involved in a traffic accident.

Last Friday week, during the morning magazine programme, a good chunk of the SBS News from Il-Boomerang went out simultaneously with the Commonwealth clip and a part of the Exchange Rate information on Radju Malta Wiehed. Was there no one in the technical area to see to this?

The wording on the Smash screen last Sunday read "all four for Lm60", but the person trying to sell us the "Egyptian style statues" (now why would anyone want Anubis & Co. glaring at him?) was telling us that the largest one, alone, was worth that much, whereas as a special offer we could have them all for Lm75. It's all a matter of sahhan il-mishun, and make sure that wara li tkun reached il-crumb stage, you pick up your rigal b'xejn; but definitely not from the Armata Repubblikana Iraqqina (sic), since that would be xi haga strainful. Special greetings go to all those who are "with" their summer holidays.