Encountering a suffering face

Suffering is what makes the human condition human. Everyone suffers. Suffering is: (a) physical, when the body is hurting in some way; (b) moral, when suffering inflicts pain on the soul; and (c) psychological, when a person's emotional state is damaged. Every patient undergoes this suffering package.

Visiting the sick is a challenging experience. One may feel uncomfortable when confronting the physical, psychological and spiritual suffering of a patient. Others feel so blocked and choked by this shocking situation that they choose to take flight from reality rather than allow themselves to feel vulnerable in front of the patient they are visiting. It feels it is too much to bear.

For those of us who are courageous enough to be with their loved ones in times of their harshest trials of life, as sickness surely is, how are they to behave when visiting them? My pastoral experience as a hospital chaplain enables me to give the following tips.

Listening is basic in hospital visits. The patient is to be given a comforting space where to express her/his own feelings. This also includes respecting the times when the person is silent. A comforting eye contact certainly facilitates an attentive listening mode. It serves to keep the recounting of a story going, to encourage more self-disclosure and to conserve and honour what has already been said.

Do not preach. Patients feel suffocated and overburdened when they are preached to. Instead, they expect visitors to offer them listening and comforting presences with whom they can feel comforted and empowered.

Validate feelings. Patients experience a whole range of feelings. If a patient experiences anger, just allow her/him to express it. In every feeling there are resources for coping and understanding.

Physical contact. The patient looks for security. If s/he presents her/his hand to you, do not hesitate to offer your hand in reassurance. In holding a visitor's hands the patient feels in a safety zone in which feelings are unconditionally accepted.

The experience of encountering a suffering person makes us more aware of the value of interpersonal relationships as well as of our human and Christian calling to be a comforting presence to others. My pastoral experience at St Luke's Hospital is continually showing me how this is undoubtedly true.