When 92-year-old Frida Grech died last month, her granddaughters, as well as grandsons, carried her coffin during the funeral Mass because they all wanted to be part of their beloved nanna’s final journey on this earth – out of respect for all she had done for them.

“It is taken for granted that the coffin is carried by men. But when it was suggested that we too help carry, we agreed together... nanna did so much for us,” said one of her granddaughters, Bernice Lia.

One woman said she would have loved to carry her father but was not allowed to- Juanita Grech

“She was always there for us. This was our way of thanking her: by being there during her final journey on this earth.”

Her cousin, Juanita Grech, agrees, adding that being able to be part of this emotional moment meant a lot to them.

“I appreciate having been given the opportunity. After the funeral, many people commented to us about this because it is uncommon to see women carrying coffins,” Grech said.

“One woman said she would have loved to carry her father but was not allowed to.”

It is happening more

Funeral director Miran Sapiano said women pallbearers are uncommon, however, “it is happening more as women are seeing other women do it”.

Sapiano noticed a general reluctance by family members whenever a female relative suggested carrying a coffin during a funeral.

“Relatives are often concerned it is too heavy, they will hurt their back... a general over-protectiveness over women.

“It is very emotional when I meet women who wish to do it and no one encourages them. But, once you give them the option, they go for it,” she said.

Bernice and Juanita are two of 11 cousins born to the four children of their grandparents, Frida and John Grech. One of their sons is opposition leader Bernard Grech.

The cousins all got involved in carrying the coffin of their grandmother who died on January 9. The funeral was held on January 11 at the Birżebbuġa parish church.

Frida and John Grech died within three months of each other. Photo: Matthew Tabone

“Our nanna was the focal point of the family. She was like the queen of our family. She knew what was going on in all our lives,” Lia said.

Their grandmother went to Mass daily and was involved in the church community. Despite her traditional beliefs and upbringing, she was not old fashioned when it came to gender-related issues.

“She never treated the girls different from boys. She would encourage us to study and be independent,” the cousins agree.

For the last years, their grandparents lived at St Vincent de Paul home for the elderly together.

Cousins took it in turns

In September, their grandfather died and, three months later, their grandmother passed away. They had been married for 65 years.

“They were inseparable. They argued a lot but they did not live without one another.

“They were soulmates,” Grech said.

During their grandfather’s funeral it was the male cousins who carried the coffin. Then, when they were discussing the details of their grandmother’s funeral, Sapiano suggested that some of the women carry her also.

They agreed to do it together. The cousins took turns: on the way into church two female cousins and four men carried the coffin and, on the way out, another two women and four men carried.

“It was very emotional. It took my emotions to a different level,” Lia said.

“She did a lot for us and here we were telling her that we wanted to be there to carry her during her last moments,” she added as Grech said: “We know she’s in peace. She is smiling at us and is proud of all her grandchildren.”