Some things you read are quickly forgotten. But others remain embedded in one’s mind. Nothing erases them. Some ennoble you. Others give you a bitter taste that nothing can sweeten.
An example of the latter is the 2014 interview Cardinal Raymond Burke, the arch-nemesis of Pope Francis, gave to the website LifeSiteNews.
He said that parents should not let their son bring his gay partner for a Christmas family gathering where grandchildren are present. Burke added that same-sex relationships make people “profoundly unhappy”.
The lack of compassion and respect for the truth still shocks me.
Fortunately, Burke does not represent the pastoral strategy of the Church led by Pope Francis and marked by accompaniment and inclusion instead of abandonment and exclusion.
The recent controversy about the pope’s use of a disrespectful term, for which he apologised, is a very unfortunate hiccup that does not annul the pope’s pastorally caring attitude.
This positive attitude is reflected in the work of the Drachma Parents Group. This group is made up of Catholic parents, relatives and friends of LGBTIQ+ persons who pray together, encourage one another and accompany their relatives to “create more awareness of the benefits and opportunities that unity, inclusion and love can provide”. They combine their deep faith with their caring love of their children. The frigid attitude of Burke is in sharp contrast with the fertile and warm attitude of these parents.
In 2016, they published the book Uliedna Rigal (Our children are a gift). Recently, they published a second revised edition together with an English version of the same book.
The book’s dedication shows that the judgemental attitude that leads to exclusion is an attitude which not only hurts but can also kill. It reads: To those parents who lost any of their lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans sons or daughters to suicide.
Unfortunately, several African bishops support homophobic laws- Fr Joe Borg
The book answers 50 practical and existential questions faced by parents of LGBTIQ+ children. Several true, moving stories are recounted by individuals who had to come to terms with that of their gender orientation or by parents who had to face that of their children.
Here are a few examples of questions answered: How should parents react when their children inform them that they are gay or trans? Have I failed as a parent? Is it a choice between my child and the Church? How can I support my trans child?
The book is anything but crusading or judgemental. It is clear, well explained, based on experience and, where needed, on research. But, most of all, it is imbued with compassion and unconditional love.
Such love has been so lacking in many countries and organisations, including the Church.
In 2016, German Cardinal Reinhard Marx, president of the German Bishops’ Conference, called on society as a whole and on the Catholic Church to apologise to gays and lesbians.
“The history of homosexuals in our society is a very bad history because we have done a lot to marginalise them. As Church and as society, we have to say sorry.”
Unfortunately, some, for example several African bishops – instead of saying sorry, support homophobic laws. In January 2023, Pope Francis, while attributing such attitudes to cultural backgrounds, added that “these bishops have to have a process of conversion”, applying “tenderness, please, as God has for each one of us”.
Our Children are a Gift is full of such tenderness.
One can contact Drachma Parents on parents@drachma.mt or 9945 4581.