Give them a gong

It's Gieh ir-Repubblika time again, or it will be in a month or so. The one occasion in the year when our great and good can glean a little tangible approval from our lords and masters.

And so, with my public service hat on once again, I thought I'd make a few suggestions, to sow a seed or two, in the heads of those who select the lucky recipients. While I'm sure that legion of grey civil servants deserve their gongs... I mean, would you like to spend 40 years of your life trying to look busy?

I've listed a few more worthy worthies for consideration. Not that I expect many or indeed any of them to actually get a Gieh ir-Repubblika, but it might jolt the authorities into showing a little more imagination, when handing out the prosits.

Let's start with a lady: I'd really like to see Claudette Pace of L-Isfida get recognised. I think she should be nominated by Super 1 TV, for giving them the idea for their own copycat TV show.

Then let's give an award to the EU Commission. Nominated jointly by RCC and Simon Busuttil... For ignoring our crap roads, our third-world infrastructure, our "I'll scratch your back..." corruption, the loony left, the predatory hunters, the petards, the filth, etc... and still letting us join the party.

And let's hear it for all those white taxi drivers. Proposed for a gong by the MTA, for their honesty, integrity, devotion to duty and all-round cuddliness.

And while on the subject of transport. Let's get the motor trade to honour George Pulliccino... for proving that car-free days just don't work.

And I think it's high time the Nats nominated Alfred Sant for a Gieh. After all, he single-handedly helped them win both a referendum and a general election in the space of only a few weeks. Not bad for a Leader of the Opposition.

On a similar subject, I'd like KMB to be nominated by the BMA (Blinkered Malta Association) for services to extreme insularity.

What about those selfless public-spirited souls, the building developers. Let's hear it for Polidano Bros... proposed by the Association of Real Estate Agents, for putting up monstrosities... sorry, buildings, in areas nobody else ever thought possible (or desirable).

To Dom Mintoff (oh come on! It's time he got something) proposed by the Cottonera Development Authority, for ensuring the new marina got built.

To Joe Bonello, Vince Farrugia, Enzo Gusman and Renato. All nominated by CYSTJ (Can You See The Join) for services to the rug industry... ahem!

To the ex-Malta football coach, Sigi Held. Nominated by all the other teams in Malta's Euro 2004 qualifying group... for services to them.

To Air Malta... proposed by every other airline that flies here. For keeping their prices so high and their food so inedible, people will go to any lengths to fly with somebody else... anybody else!

To Edwin Vassallo... suggested by the Curia... for managing to convince some of the people, some of the time, that Sunday is still a totally non-commercial day of rest.

Then a gong for Mario (Il-Mulej) Azzopardi... sponsored by Chris Gatt... for unintentional services to English-language theatre.

Then I'd like to suggest one or two new categories of award: The inaugural "Couldn't organise a p***-up in a brewery award"... nominated by Sylvanus goes to the organizers of that notorious opera production 'on the water' at Portomaso.

Then I'd like to see a Stevie Smith 'Waving not Drowning' prize. I'd award the first one to Alternattiva Demokratika, and in particular Arnold Cassola... for proving that you don't have to be relevant to be sexy.

And finally... I want an award, any award will do. And I'd be nominated by my Mum. Let's face it, nobody else would bother.