Her son's coach texted him 'STFU'. Parents say it's a major concern

Updated with Commissioner for Children comments

When a mother of a 13-year-old basketball player went through her son’s team group chat, she was shocked to see the coach respond to teenage banter with acronyms like STFU (shut the f*** up).

Her experience has highlighted growing concerns among parents about the common practice of coaches across various team sports communicating with children as young as 11 via messaging apps – with no national guidelines in place.

Parents have raised two main concerns: the pressure to give children mobile phones and the safeguarding risks of unsupervised online communication.

The lack of regulation and policies was also troubling to parents – something confirmed by the Authority for Integrity in Maltese Sport (AIMS), which acknowledged that no guidelines currently exist. Similarly, the Malta Football Association (MFA) said it has no official rules or minimum standards, although its safeguarding officer offers training.

The Church’s Safeguarding Commission has called for national standards that go beyond sport, covering all organisations that interact with minors and vulnerable people.

The conversation was prompted by a San Anton School initiative asking parents to sign a pledge indicating they were interested in delaying smartphones until the age of 15.

During the ensuing debate, several parents commented that not giving a child a phone could lead to social exclusion, not just from social events with friends but also from extracurricular activities.

Inappropriate language

The basketball mother said: “I was shocked. One of the boys would pass some silly comment and the coach would reply with inappropriate acronyms such as: STFU (shut the f*** up), IDGAF (I don’t give a f***) and YMF (you motherf***er).”

She said she had no problem with coaches messaging children directly, as it taught them responsibility and independence, but remarked that “this had to be done properly and responsibly”.

Several parents whose children attend football also said that coaches used group WhatsApp chats with the kids directly.

“In football nurseries, it’s common practice that, from under 14 onwards – which means children 13 and up – that is the only way things will be communicated,” said one mother who objected to the practice. She, however, added that, apart from the coach, there was an assistant coach in the chat.

Another said her son was 11 years old when the group chat started. She initially resisted but gave in the following year, despite a parallel chat for parents.

I was shocked. One of the boys would pass some silly comment and the coach would reply with inappropriate acronyms such as: STFU (shut the f*** up), IDGAF (I don’t give a f***) and YMF (you motherf***er)- mother

Asked about regulations, AIMS said: “There are no official policies as yet relating to the matter at this point. Guidelines in relation to the matter may be issued at a later stage.”

A spokesperson for the MFA similarly stated that there were no guidelines or minimum standards.

While the association’s safeguarding officer provides regular training to coaches and club members, and safeguarding is a topic of discussion, it ends there.

In contrast, the UK’s Football Association (FA) has detailed rules: coaches must obtain parental consent before messaging children, communicate only in groups (never one-to-one), include another adult such as a parent or club representative in chats and limit discussions to football-related matters.

National safeguarding standards needed

Mark Pellicano, head of the Safeguarding Commission within the Archdiocese of Malta, stressed the importance of a clear code of conduct that covers digital communication.

“It’s not about the devices being used but about who is using them and how. People can interpret boundaries differently online. For instance, if it would be inappropriate to knock on someone’s door at 11pm, then it is equally inappropriate to send minors a message at that time. These boundaries should be clearly addressed in a code of conduct,” he said.

Pellicano called for a national body to oversee safeguarding and set minimum standards across all sectors. He warned that, without a central system, people flagged as unsuitable to work with minors by the Church can still be hired by private entities.

It’s not about the devices being used but about who is using them and how. People can interpret boundaries differently online- Mark Pellicano

Beyond setting standards, Pellicano argued for a national structure responsible for auditing every organisation, much like how care homes are regularly inspected.

Safe recruitment is also crucial when employing individuals who work with minors and vulnerable adults.

As part of the code of conduct, organisations should find ways to maintain safety, for example, by ensuring that a parent or a designated safeguarding officer is included in group chats with teenagers. He said it was also important to have a clear way for people to report any concerns.

'Sports coaches should be role models'

In a statement later on Thursday, the Commissioner for Children said that while sports played a “vital role” in a child’s development, “these benefits must never come at the cost of a child’s dignity, safety, or equal access”. 

“Sports coaches and other professionals should always act as positive role models, children should never be exposed to inappropriate behaviour/language”, the commissioner said.  

It urged sports stakeholders, parents and policymakers to “prioritise child-centred approaches and to implement holistic safeguarding frameworks which guarantee children’s safe access to sports activities”.