Welcome to The Money Coach, a Times of Malta column where readers can ask questions about life's money issues. Send your questions about personal finances, inheritance, gifting or other personal finance topics to moneycoach@timesofmalta.com. 

Dear Luca,

I am a 35-year-old mother of two struggling with concerns about my financial independence.

Three years ago, before the birth of our first child, my husband and I mutually decided that I would pause my career to focus on raising our children. My husband earns a substantial salary, and we've never struggled financially since I stopped working.

While I trust my husband and have no material wants, I've found myself increasingly uncomfortable with the fact that he controls all our finances. I struggle to ask him for money, given I don't contribute financially to the household. Although he always encourages me to speak up if I need anything, I can't shake off the discomfort.

This situation has led me to consider returning to work, but I'm torn. Is it the right time, considering our youngest child is still very young? How do I balance my desire for financial independence without disrupting our family's well-being? I'm seeking your guidance on balancing these emotional and financial aspects of my life.

Sincerely,

Harmony Seeker

Luca responds:Top of Form

Your email resonated deeply with me. My wife also had to pause working to care for our daughter, who has a particular condition. We've had many discussions about financial dependence and independence, and I understand where you're coming from. Furthermore, in dealing with various couples, I've seen this scenario more often than you'd think. It's not unusual at all.

Constant communication has been our cornerstone in dealing with these challenges. It's essential to keep talking, to express needs, fears, and hopes. My wife and I have found that this open dialogue reinforces our partnership and mutual respect.

I want to emphasise how critical the work you do at home is. It's as significant as any full-time paid job. The well-being of your family is a priceless contribution that you're making. I often remind my wife—and I encourage your husband to remind you—of the immense value of this role. In my eyes, and likely in your husband's, this is more important than any financial contribution.

It's natural to feel a sense of loss or inferiority when not contributing financially. But remember, the work you do at home is irreplaceable. No one else can give your children the care and nurturing you provide. I am grateful to my wife for being such a pillar for our family, and I believe your husband likely feels the same about you.

Having said that, did you ever think about a system where you can manage some funds yourself, reducing the need to ask for money? Such simple changes can sometimes have a big positive effect. These are some useful ideas:

1. Personal allowance account: You could set up an allowance for yourself by having a set amount deposited into your personal bank account every month. This way, you can handle your own personal costs without having to feel awkward about asking.
2. Joint budget meetings: Talking about the household budget with your husband on a regular basis can make you feel like you have a bigger say in money matters. At these meetings, you can talk about your income, spending, savings goals, and any other money issues.
3. Save for personal goals: Set up a savings account to help you reach your personal goals, like paying for school or a hobby. Giving even small amounts of money can make you feel strong and proud.
4. Education in financial control: Find out more about budgeting, investing, and control of money. If you know these things, you'll feel better about dealing money and be able to help your family make financial decisions.
5. Ways to make money from home: Look into different ways to make money from home, such as freelance work, online businesses, and part-time jobs that you can do from home. This can help you make extra money and feel like you're making a difference.
6. Financial coaching or counselling: You might want to get help from a financial expert. They can help you manage your money in a way that meets both your and your husband's needs.

Implementing these steps could greatly enhance your sense of financial empowerment and independence, contributing positively to your emotional well-being and self-worth.

Luca is the founder of the Money Coaching Hub. Email him your financial questions at moneycoach@timesofmalta.com

Disclaimer: This column is intended to provide general information on various topics related to personal finance. The information provided is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as personalised financial advice for your specific situation. Financial decisions are highly individual and can vary greatly based on your unique circumstances, goals, and risk tolerance. The author of this column is not authorised to provide financial advice. Before making any financial decisions, it is recommended to seek professional financial advice from an authorised financial advisor.