Welcome to The Money Coach, a Times of Malta column where readers can ask questions about life's money issues. Send your questions about personal finances, inheritance, gifting or other personal finance topics to moneycoach@timesofmalta.com

Dear Luca,

This might not be the usual question you tend to receive. I have been married for over 20 years, and during that time my husband was the one who took care of all finances.

I was never one to be interested in finances, and was comfortable letting him handle everything.

However, problems started in our relationship a few years back.

It became so bad, now I want out. But I feel stuck.

He's constantly telling me that I'd starve without him, as I don’t know how to manage finances.

I haven’t worked for years and don’t know where to start. Nobody wants to employ me.

Without a proper job, I am fully dependent on his income. I have no one to turn to, and am afraid to talk, as on the outside he seems like the old person I married, so everyone likes him and will surely not believe me.

The only skill I feel I have is writing.

I have been secretly writing fiction novels – it’s the only positive thing that keeps my mind off the current havoc. I’m also part of writing groups, and others in the group have praised my writing skills.

Still, it has made no effect in my job search. I’ve received no reply to many of my job applications and when I receive an interview, most seem to lose interest when I say I haven’t worked in so many years.

How would you tackle this situation?

Unhappily Married

Luca responds: 

You are not alone. Financial abuse in a relationship is increasingly becoming a common occurrence – in the UK alone it is experienced by at least one in five women. Since it’s a subject which is hardly spoken about, we don’t have much data of the numbers here in Malta.

The first thing you need to do is reach out to agencies like Agenzija Appogg and Caritas Malta or make contact with a qualified psychologist who can guide you in this crucial period. I understand this may seem daunting, especially considering what you’re passing through, but the fact that you’ve had the courage to acknowledge the abuse is already a big step forward.

Your husband using money as a tool to control you is a very serious form of financial abuse which is rarely reported. It is essential to realise that this is not your fault.

I empathise with your struggle to find work. It is true that very few workplaces are prepared to give inexperienced applicants a chance – again, something which is not talked about very often. Perhaps you can better leverage your writing talents.

I recently coached a client who also had a flair for fiction writing. With some coaxing she built a profile on freelancing sites Upwork and Fiverr, and now she has a steady income.

With regards to finding a job, have you tried applying for part-time roles? Sometimes companies are more open to employing you like that, and I know of several roles in content creation which may be done remotely as well (if this is something you prefer). You may also want to consider gaining experience through volunteering. I know of several people who do voluntary work to get experience they can then showcase on their CVs.

When it comes to personal financial planning, I would suggest opening your own personal bank account, if you don’t already have one. You can start gradually building it up and gaining financial independence from your husband. If you are afraid of your husband’s reaction to this, please do reach out for support – it can be in the form of a legal expert in financial abuse or from the organisations that I mentioned above.

I hope all this helps. Remember, your story is not over.

Luca is the founder of the Money Coaching Hub. Email him your financial questions or your response to today's question for a chance to be featured in a future column.

Disclaimer: This column is intended to provide general information on various topics related to personal finance. The information provided is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as personalised financial advice for your specific situation. Financial decisions are highly individual and can vary greatly based on your unique circumstances, goals, and risk tolerance. The author of this column is not authorised to provide financial advice. Before making any financial decisions, it is recommended to seek professional financial advice from an authorised financial advisor.