I'm dreaming of a partnership

I dreamt that the referendum was over and that the majority of people voted against EU membership. In my dream, the Labour Party won the national elections too. I dreamt about the Labour Minister for Foreign Affairs going to Brussels to negotiate the partnership. It was so clear.

The negotiators from Brussels asked the minister what it was that he wanted. He produced a videotape on which he had copied the MLP television spots. Pointing proudly to the television screen, he invited them to listen carefully.

"For a start," he said, "we do not want foreigners working in Malta." He clicked the remote control and on went the TV spot stating that "Partnership will guarantee that no foreign workers will come to Malta. That is why partnership is the best option for you."

"Then," he said, "we do not want VAT on food and medicine." Again, to back his claim, he had a TV spot waiting on the tape. "We must be allowed to retain our levies."

Next TV spot. And so on, and on...

At the end of the presentation, the Maltese minister turned to the negotiators from Brussels and handed out a leaflet. "Here, you have it all in writing," he said. "This is exactly what we want."

I remember that this part of my dream was very quiet. No one spoke. There were no emotions displayed on the faces of the Brussels negotiators. They seemed to be stone cold. "So," the minister said, "do we have a deal?"

In my dream, the people from Brussels took a deep breath and rolled their eyes upwards, but remained silent. This part of the dream seemed to go on for ever.

"Well?" insisted the minister.

Then one of the men from Brussels spoke. He said: "What do we get in return?"

The minister looked confused. "What do you get? What do you mean? You don't get anything! Did you not understand our presentation? Our brochure? Our TV spots? We don't give anything to you. You give to us. The spots have even been approved by the Broadcasting Authority!"

Clearly agitated, the minister was waving his fist at this point. The people from Brussels also seemed annoyed, if I remember the dream well.

Then the same man spoke and said: "Begging your pardon, Mr Minister, how could you have imagined we would give you all you ask for without you giving anything in return? We invited your people to be EU members and your people rejected us. Now you have to settle for the little we have to offer you."

They were about to come to blows. The Maltese minister raised his voice and, banging on the table, said: "You see! I always said that you people from Brussels are no good for Malta! That you would not give us a good deal. This is why I disagreed with EU membership. Just you wait till I report this meeting to our TV station."

The man from Brussels said quietly: "But, Mr Minister surely if you thought that we in Brussels were no good for Malta you did not believe that we would suddenly change when you came to negotiate a partnership? Did you hope that we would be tough with everyone but gentle with you? Honestly, Mr Minister..."

I don't know what happened next. His voice, and the promise of partnership, seemed to fade away as I woke up.