'I'm worried my children will be forced to sell their inheritance when I die'

Welcome to The Money Coach, a Times of Malta column where readers can ask questions about life's money issues. Send your questions about personal finances, inheritance, gifting or other personal finance topics to moneycoach@timesofmalta.com

Dear Luca, 

I am 81 years old, and currently undergoing breast cancer treatment.

Despite my age, I’ve never really thought about inheritance until now.

I have two children; they are both hard-working and married with children. They are the pride and joy of my life.

Although my cancer treatment is going better than expected, I’ve been thinking a lot about the properties I hold: the home I live in, and a small farmhouse in Gozo where we spent every summer together when my children were young. Today, my grandchildren run through the same rooms their parents once did. Those places carry some of the happiest memories of my life.

They are the only physical parting gifts I can give when I pass away, but my children cannot afford the costs tied to inheriting the property. They are already full of debt, and have passed through some difficult periods. Covering those inheritance-related costs is near impossible (especially since the value of the farmhouse, which is not my primary residence, has risen significantly).

Even if I give it to them as a donation now, it will still be hard for them.

So I’ve been thinking of setting the amount aside myself for them – but to do that it’s going to affect my lifestyle significantly. I have a very small sum saved, and together with my pension, I can reach the assumed sum in a matter of a few years, if God grants me that lifespan.

I’m not going to lie… it will affect my lifestyle. My children don’t want me to do it; but I feel I have to. Throughout their lives they lacked for nothing, but I was never able to gift them a significant sum like other parents did. Maybe this is my way of making up for that.

I think I’d feel full of regret if I don’t. But at the same time, I am afraid of the significant change in lifestyle I have to go through at my age and condition to get to the sum I want.

One Last Wish

Luca responds:

I am really moved by your message. This line in particular: ‘I was never able to gift them a significant sum like other parents did’, made me pause. I can feel so much emotion behind it.

I completely understand your dilemma. Having places with so many memories, only to consciously know that one may have to be forcefully sold to cover the costs tied to inheriting it, is painful.

Nevertheless, let’s break this down both from an emotional and financial point of view.

You said that your lifestyle will be significantly affected if you save enough for this inheritance cost. My question to you is: how much emotional strain will you be putting on your children if you go through this stress? You yourself said that your children have already attempted to stop you from doing it. Whilst I recognise the value of your properties and the emotional aspect of gifting both of them as a whole, the consequences of this might cause more emotional pain, especially in the short term, given the trauma you have passed through.

You might not think much of the lifestyle you live as long as you reach your goal, but I am certain your children will. In trying to avoid future hardship, you may be creating hardship now, and I am sure that is the last thing they want to see. Sometimes, in trying to leave our children something meaningful, we forget that our presence and wellbeing may already mean far more to them than the gift itself.

So what I do suggest is that, yes, you start saving slowly for the costs your children may face when inheriting the property, but do it in a balanced way, without overstressing your lifestyle.

It might also be worth having a conversation with your children. You should have a collective plan to contribute to this pot together. Yes, it might be difficult at first, but perhaps this burden should not become yours alone to carry. You will get there more quickly and with less suffering and anxiety like that than if it is just you.

I understand your drive to hurry up, especially since you are undergoing cancer treatment, but, as you said, the treatment is going better than expected, and your ultimate fear - dying before you manage to have a sum ready that would help your children cover those costs - might not even materialise.

I would also encourage you to speak with a notary, as there may be options and structures available to you that are worth exploring before making any decisions.

I wish you strength and continued progress with your treatment. You are clearly a mother who has spent a lifetime thinking of others.

Luca is the founder of the Money Coaching Hub. Email him your financial questions or your response to today's question for a chance to be featured in a future column.

Disclaimer: This column is intended to provide general information on various topics related to personal finance. The information provided is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as personalised financial advice for your specific situation. Financial decisions are highly individual and can vary greatly based on your unique circumstances, goals, and risk tolerance. The author of this column is not authorised to provide financial advice. Before making any financial decisions, it is recommended to seek professional financial advice from an authorised financial advisor.