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Dear Luca,

My partner and I are organising our wedding, however seeing the costs involved, instead of looking forward to such a big day, I am feeling overwhelmed.

My partner has always wanted a big, fancy wedding (the guest list has already reached 600!). I prefer using the money a wedding costs on a longer vacation, or to speed up some payments that are still pending for the home that we bought.

The kind of wedding my partner would like will cost us anywhere between €50,000 to €70,000. Honestly, that terrifies me. It’s far too much for one day, even if it’s such a special occasion.

Don’t take me wrong, I wish to support my partner’s wishes, but not at the risk of causing more financial strain.

How can we find a compromise without either of us feeling like we’re giving up too much?

Warm regards,

Torn Between Two Priorities

Luca responds:

All understandable concerns. Weddings are one of the most expensive days in a person’s life and it is crazy to think that that some couples spend what would be a house deposit on a single day.

On the other hand, what your partner says about it being one very special day is true, and I say this from experience, I would not trade my wedding day with anything. But if you were to meet somewhere in the middle, this is how:

1. Agree on a total budget

Begin by deciding on a sum that works for each of you. I understand you said €50,000 to €70,000, but I believe that with some trimmings this can go down significantly.

How about reducing the extravagance? I know of couples who spent €30,000 to €40,000 and they were still very happy with their day. And if you manage that you’ll have some money left for savings and pay pending debts.

2. Reduce the guest list

The guest list is one of the major driving costs. Pay more, for meals, space and ultimately the costs of all unit. How about agreeing on a smaller wedding? The fewer guests, the more the savings.

My wife and I could have invited 500 guests to our wedding, but we kept it at a maximum of 200 – it worked wonders in terms of the money we managed to save!

3. Think beyond expected venues

We tend to think of all the normal venues when considering our wedding – it happened to me as well. But we ended up hosting our wedding at a place that isn’t normally considered for weddings. Not only was it original and appreciated by guests, it was also far cheaper.

Consider unconventional options like a family-owned property, a park or a boutique B&B. Countless couples are learning that normal venues translate into a unique ambiance, all while saving them thousands of euros.

4. Get married on a weekday

One of the best ways to save on expenses without dampening the experience for the day is to have your wedding during a weekday or low season. Sounds like a throwback, but frequently vendors charge less for winter or early spring weddings.

5. Compromise with a second celebration

Another way to meet your partner halfway is to plan a second celebration. There are many ways of organising this. Perhaps you can have a small wedding now, and a more extravagant event when money is less tight. Or perhaps you can have a party and a small moving in celebration at your new house.

6. Reimagine the day

You could be radical and choose to totally reconfigure your wedding plans to focus on a small event involving close friends and family. That would bring your guest line down to a maximum of 50-70 people and cut costs, obviously. But I can understand if your partner feels this is too much, in which case I would try and work out a compromiser between points 2 and 3.

7. Have an honest conversation

Communication is key, always. I find myself making key decisions with my wife all the time, and they are not always easy conversations, especially where money is involved.

If you’re keeping back from talking with your partner, I suggest being honest from the outset on how you’re feeling – this can reduce future potential resentments in your relationship.

Explain to your partner that you want the wedding to be beautiful, but you are also building a life together. Framing the conversation around your shared goals—a home, financial stability, and a beautiful celebration—can help both of you feel heard and respected.

Luca is the founder of the Money Coaching Hub. Email him your financial questions or your response to today's question for a chance to be featured in a future column.

Disclaimer: This column is intended to provide general information on various topics related to personal finance. The information provided is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as personalised financial advice for your specific situation. Financial decisions are highly individual and can vary greatly based on your unique circumstances, goals, and risk tolerance. The author of this column is not authorised to provide financial advice. Before making any financial decisions, it is recommended to seek professional financial advice from an authorised financial advisor.