A long time ago, in a column far, far away, I jokingly suggested that there was a simple solution to the problem of doping in Olympic sports: give all competitors drugs to boost their performance.

Now obviously I said this in jest as a mildly humorous observation and was not seriously suggesting it was a good idea that should happen. But guess what? It’s happening. To say my flabber has been gasted would be a massive understatement.

The ‘Enhanced Games’ are slated to take place somewhere in the southern US next year featuring thousands of stoned athletes competing in sports like track and field, swimming, weightlifting, gymnastics and combat sports.

From what I gather, new events like ‘last person to get the munchies’ or ‘longest discussion on how to achieve world peace’ are not going to be introduced just yet.

The games are the brainchild of Australian businessman Aron D’Souza, who has long been a vociferous opponent of the International Olympic Committee, which he describes as greedy and corrupt.

D’Souza came up for the idea of this bizarre competition when he was, rather creepily, watching people in the gym, many of whom he concluded were taking steroids to improve their performance. He also despises the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) on the basis that it stifles innovation and human development, describing it as the “anti-science police force for the IOC”.

So, in short, when it comes to sensible thinking, D’Souza may be a few runners short of a relay team.

I suspect there is a massive market out there for something like this: people who want to see what the human body is capable of on an artificially enhanced sporting level

As the name suggests, there will be no doping restrictions on participating athletes taking part in the Enhanced Games, although the organisers say taking performance-enhancing drugs will not be mandatory. I imagine this is because they expect a lot of honest athletes are going to want to test themselves against rivals who are doped up to their tits...

I swear, the mind boggles.

As you would expect, the response from the international sporting community has been rather critical, with many experts pointing out that performance-enhancing drugs are, er, rather dangerous, and encouraging athletes to take them is, er, rather irresponsible.

But the bottom line is that D’Souza sees an opportunity here for a double win: getting the opportunity to stick two fingers up at the IOC while making himself a tidy packet as well, because, and this pains me to say it, I can see millions wanting to watch these games.

It sounds a bit weird, but I seriously suspect there is a massive market out there for something like this: people who want to see what the human body is capable of on an artificially enhanced sporting level.

It just goes to show that it doesn’t matter how wild, inappropriate or ill-thought-out your idea is, if the numbers add up to an enhanced bank account, people like D’Souza will find a way to make it happen.

No conspiracy to see here

I am not a big believer in conspiracy theories. In my opinion they are mostly dreamt up by people with too much time on their hands who are mostly just desperate to find someone to blame for something that is out of their control.

But, in Nottingham Forest’s case, you wonder if they may have a point.

I obviously haven’t watched all their matches this season, but I have seen several videos online which collate the numerous times when match officials or VAR have done them a serious injustice. And boy, having watched the clips, I get why they think the world is out to get them.

Of course, plenty of the decision their fans are bemoaning are nothing other than your bog standard 50/50 incidents which could go either way. Failing to get these borderline calls in your favour is something every club suffers from, and is not worthy of a proper conspiracy theory.

But over and above those, there are a number – and not just a few but a considerable amount – of incidents where Forest, to put it lightly, are being robbed. Many of these have been game-defining, like the controversial and entirely wrong drop-ball decision in the Liverpool match, and Ivan Toney getting away with moving the ball and the foam for his free-kick goal in the Brentford game.

Meanwhile, if a Forest defender merely looks at an opponent in the penalty box it is being given as a penalty, while, at the other end of the pitch they aren’t getting penalties for assaults that would be outlawed in Mixed Martial Arts.

It is one incident after another for the club which is embroiled in a relegation battle and also has the prospect of a finance-induced points deduction hanging over their heads.

All in all, when you put all those things together, there’s no wonder the club’s fans, players and manager think the chance of them staying in the Premier League is being deliberately reduced.

So, is it a conspiracy to somehow ensure Forest go down? As I said at the beginning, I am not a big believer in that sort of thing. I mean, who is doing the conspiring? And why? And how many people would need to be in on the conspiracy to make it viable?

No, in reality, it is probably nothing more than a prolonged wave of bad luck. But even so, you have to feel a little sorry for the club, as rarely have I seen one team on the wrong side of so many bad decisions over such a prolonged period.

E-mail: James.calvert@timesofmalta.com

Twitter: @Maltablade