Having personally binged the living heck out of EURO 24, I promised myself I would be much more restrained with the Olympics, only tuning in for those events you just can’t miss.
Yeah right.
The games have been going on for over a week now and I have watched so much of them there are five circles engraved on my retina. Mountain biking, tennis, rowing, shooting, BMX, swimming, boxing – you name it, I’ve seen a healthy chunk of it happening live.
And I’m not even limiting myself to sports I traditionally enjoy either.
It’s bizarre but if someone told me to sit down and watch a solid couple of hours of gymnastics under normal circumstances, I would dismiss them for being a person of diminished mental responsibility.
Yet put it in an Olympic setting and I am glued to the box, pretending to actually know what’s going on.
To be fair, I have learned a thing or two this week about gymnastics. For example, until recently I thought the importance of a clean dismount was limited to horse riding or the marital bedroom. Now I know it is just as important when a gymnast departs whatever piece of equipment they were previous bouncing around on.
I also discovered, much to my astonishment, that there is a move on the rings called the ‘Maltese’ which, like pretty much all the moves on the rings, involves men and women with astonishing physiques and mind-boggling strength manipulating themselves in ways that make my ligaments itch.
Another reason I can’t get enough of the Olympics is that many, if not most, of the athletes taking part are either amateur or semi-professional. That means the people competing in this smorgasbord of sports nearly all have fascinating back stories.
The computer nerd who became a medal-winning shooter almost by accident after taking a fancy to the idea while playing the game on his PlayStation. The triathlete competing to honour their late wife who passed away in the days before the opening ceremony. The boxer who overcame homelessness to fight his way to the top of his domestic sport.
Astonishingly, one of the British rowers who won a gold on Wednesday did so despite an accident leaving her paralysed down one side of her body. I am assuming she is back to full fitness at this point, otherwise the boat would have been going round in circles, but it does show you how dedicated these people are to chasing their dream.
As sporting tournaments go, there is so much depth to the Olympic Games it’s hard not to fall in love with the whole thing.
There is, however, one overriding exception to my Olympic love affair – the walking race
Of course, not everything has been perfect in Paris. The opening ceremony, admittedly not helped by the weather, was a bit of a let-down. If it hasn’t been for the poor taste, drag queen, Last Supper fiasco, it would have been entirely forgettable.
And the idea of holding events in the Seine itself has turned out to be rather daft, not to mention unfair on athletes who are having to try their best in a fast-flowing soup of turds and e-coli.
But no Olympic Games goes off without at least a few hitches and, up to the point of writing, none of the Paris problems have been overly disruptive.
And the beautiful thing is that, as of today, there is still another week of events to go, so plenty more hours to be happily wasted welded to the sofa learning more and more stuff about sports that were previously mysteries.
There is, however, one overriding exception to my Olympic love affair – the walking race. I know it’s been and gone but there is no way I would ever watch such a pointless, mind-bogglingly idiotic excuse for a sport.
It is not now, never has been and never will be a sensible competition.
“Right people, get out there and go as fast as you can without actually going as fast as you can.”
Which muppet thought this up? And if it is really worthy of a gold medal, why don’t we have the ‘doggie paddle race’ in the swimming pool or the ‘ride slowly without toppling over race’ in the velodrome?
A nonsense sport that really doesn’t deserve to exist.
Rant over... till next time.
Your say
“I am not in the habit of commenting on opinion pieces in the Times of Malta but I find I am compelled to write to you about your article published on July 28.
Firstly, I don’t know a lot about football, or Seamus Coleman for that matter, but I’m pretty sure it was Sligo Rovers he played for − not Slivo Rovers. A slip of the finger I’m guessing and entirely understandable.
Secondly, and what I really wanted to thank you for, was your comments on the game of hurling. As an Irish person I was highly amused by your take on our national treasure. You hit the nail on the head, well done. I’m not sure I agree with your description of a hurley though, and anyone who has ever got a slap of one certainly wouldn’t call it a ‘mini hockey stick’!
Also, you could call it a ball if you wish but it’s actually called a ‘sliotar’ (pronounced ‘sh-litter’). It’s a bit like a baseball except the stitching is more pronounced. These things hurt, a lot…, which makes the goalkeepers the bravest Irishmen on the planet. That’s not sexist by the way, Irish women play camogie not hurling. Equally fast, equally painful if you get a wallop!
Finally, I will never be able to look at a fishcake again without a smile on my face. Thank you.” – Carmel O’Brien, e-mail
“I may understand your hatred for the VAR, after all, everyone is entitled to their opinions, even if these opinions emanate from ill-informed prejudices. But I cannot understand how this detestation obfuscates all logical thinking.
Moreover, not only you keep harping on the consequences of the VAR, but on July 28, your article contained an assertion that verged on being insulting. You said − and I quote − that: “If you like VAR, you don’t really love football.”
I have followed this beautiful game for 60 years. And all this time I have always wished that there might be some sort of technological apparatus that would eliminate so many errors committed by the referees. There were so many of these mistakes. (I am always quoting Maradona’s hand of God.) Yes, I love the VAR. I am for it with all my heart and soul. No one has the right to pass judgement on this issue. No one has the right to pontificate on this, either.
If we consider what went on during EURO 24, no matches were marred by the VAR. No one was exasperated by the loss of time. You never said, however, that it had been beneficial for soccer not to consult the VAR during the Scotland-Hungary game. If the VAR had been consulted, Scotland would have been awarded a penalty. Of course, you did not say it. Your hatred of the VAR would have, then, evaporated. Alas for you, as long as the ball keeps rolling, players can score from an off-side position, handle the ball in the penalty area and commit fouls in it. These all have a bearing on the final score.
One last word. I have, during this time, became aware that football has developed into a billion-euro business. Now let us all be assured that all those involved in this business would never tolerate that their investments be jeopardised by a fallible creature with a whistle in his hand.” – Orazio Cachia, e-mail
Well, that’s a passionate defence of VAR, Orazio. Couldn’t disagree more with what you are saying but I’m happy to give you space to vent. Personally, if someone told me the football gods would abolish VAR but only if I was happy for Sheffield United to be relegated to non-league football as a consequence, I would jump at the chance.
E-mail: james.calvert@timesofmalta.com
Twitter: @maltablade