For the past year I've been mentally keeping score of Malta's public relations fiascos. As you can imagine I've been pretty busy because the PL and the PN kept the scores moving briskly, whilst the Church's PR machine also did its best to keep things juicy.

I've had to keep tabs of so many PR disasters that I eventually lost count, and now, I have no idea who's topping the score list and who's the weakest link.

Perhaps you can help...

Let me start with the PN, and before any of you jump to the conclusion that they are my pet hate, let it be known that it's simply because I do not understand why the party that I've backed ever since I could vote, still can't see that authoritative arrogance is its Achille's Heel.

How can a party which had the vision to see us through a political revolution in the 80s, and later on through to EU membership, not find a way to put a stop to what's dragging it down so fast?

How can such a party with so many creative thinkers and professionals, not find a way to curb their arrogant image?

How does such a party let the likes of Austin Gatt utter useless and arrogant statements, when it knows that its biggest risk of losing the next election lies mainly on the party's level of perceived arrogance?

The PN's list of conceited haughtiness is endless - from the Prime Minister clandestinely granting himself and his colleagues a ridiculous raise, to shrugging his shoulders in the face of a pro-divorce referendum result. From Austin Gatt saying that he won't lose any sleep when the opposition points a finger at him, to claiming that the PN will surely be in government for the next twenty years.

Then there's the PL.

The PL has many weak and potentially fatal points, but the most obvious one, at least to me, is that it can never be seen as anti-Clerical ever again. Members of the PL had a good taste of what lovely results this brings them, and they want to stay as far away from it as ever. In fact, this is why Joseph Muscat will not openly state that he is not against same sex marriages, and this is why Cyrus Engerer can live with being told that his new found 'leader' is ready to be convinced.

Like me, Cyrus knows that unlike Gonzi, on a personal level, Joseph Muscat is already convinced, but he won't come forth and say it because he feels the need to protect the party's refreshed relationship with the mighty Church. This is in fact the same reason why he initially pushed for divorce via a private member's bill and not by other (perhaps more effective) means that were available to him at the time.

Another potentially fatal issue is the PL's 'middle/low' class reputation. As politically incorrect as it may sound, this has haunted the PL since time immemorial. Staunch PN hotshots use it continuously to put down and patronise the PL as a whole and, no matter how academically educated PL members and supporters get, they will always be fighting an upstream battle against their presumed 'common' upbringing and backgrounds. Whilst unfair, the fact remains that a Labourite is more likely to be presumed a low class hamallu than a Nationalist.

So then why on earth would Joseph Muscat agree to take part in what was supposed to be a comical video which was poorly scripted and cheaply edited, making him look crass, vulgar and like the low class humanoid that his party is infamous for? To add insult to injury, the so called plot also brings out deeply rooted anti-clerical sentiments, something that Muscat and his party have been trying to avoid like the plague. What was he thinking?

The video can be found at- http://youtu.be/zMHaoiCEB-g

And finally we have The Church in all its glory (pun fully intended).

First they said that they were going to steer away from the divorce campaign because the introduction of divorce legislation is a secular matter, then they promptly went ahead to fund the anti-divorce movement with a ridiculous amount of money to the tune of €180,000, not to mention the human loan of the curia's PR official.

Then, as soon as the voting polls closed, but before the referendum results were out, they attempted to clear their conscious by apologising for hurting anyone during the campaign.

How's that for steering clear?

To put the cherry onto the proverbial cream, a few months later they refused to pay a single cent to the victims of clerical sexual abuse simply because they were not legally bound to do so.

Honestly, in view of all this, which by the way is just the tip of the ice berg, I don't know which one of them has messed up their image the worst.

I'm in such a fix in fact, that had there to be an election tomorrow I wouldn't know what to do with my vote.

Though I still have to be convinced that the opposition has a leg to stand on, the PN flaunting their aristocracy and arrogance with every chance they get, might be enough to tip me over to the red boxes. But then, if Joseph Muscat keeps being prudent, if his policies turn out not to be secret but imaginary, and if he keeps replenishing the party's relationship with The Church, I might regret it beyond belief.

So, whilst I never thought I'd say this, thank heavens for the Church, because unlike the PL and PN whose political image will undoubtedly determine the country's future, The Church's blunders are to me just priceless sources of entertainment....and we can all use some comic relief every now and then now don't we?

alison.bezzina@gmail.com