Leap into the future

Monday, April 14. First day of Labour in government. Alfred Sant has just managed to win the election, squeezing through by a couple of thousand votes. A sense of dread and futility descends onto a large part of the population as Dr Sant proclaims a victory for "partnership".

Tuesday, April 15. Resignations flood in from various chairmen, directors and managers, all of whom had been threatened before the election as Labour promises to take care of its own.

Wednesday, April 16. No Maltese representative appears in Athens to sign Malta's treaty of accession to become EU members. Dr Sant, in a brief comment in Malta, says that since the Maltese had voted twice for "partnership", Malta would not sign any treaty and will therefore not become a member of the EU.

Reactions from European leaders range from stunned silence to barely-disguised hostility towards Malta's new leaders. Comments in foreign press include references to banana republics and questionable democratic principles.

May 2003. The UK government reimposes the 300 per cent increase in departure tax for people flying to Malta on the grounds that Malta is now a non-EU state. Cost of flying to London shoots up. Dr Sant accuses the UK of being paid by the Nationalists to undermine his government.

June 2003. Maltese embassies in four countries are closed down on financial grounds. Dr Sant remembers his "partnership" pledge and trudges off to Brussels to start negotiations with Guenther Verheugen on how to get Malta all EU benefits without paying any of the costs.

Mr Verheugen remembers Dr Sant's previous insults, and while making sure his tongue is safely out of the way, refers him to one of his junior officers, who, in turn, informs him that Malta's case will start being discussed perhaps in 2009, after negotiations with Bulgaria, Romania and Turkey have been concluded.

Malta is put in the queue behind Morocco and Tunisia.

July 2003. The European Greens (with a very angry Arnold Cassola at the helm) push through a proposal in the European Parliament that as a pre-condition for "partnership" talks with Malta, hunting regulations will have to be tightened up considerably.

Measures include a total ban on spring hunting and shooting at tourists. Maltese hunters start looking angrily at Dr Sant, who declares that rajna is still f'idejna, and we will do what we want.

August 2003. Most hotels, restaurants and shops in tourist areas start complaining of lack of business as tourist arrivals start dropping, with most British holidaymakers preferring to go to EU states like Cyprus, Spain, Italy and Greece where it is much cheaper. Redundancies soon follow.

September 2003. Furniture makers complain that a flood of cheaper, good-quality furniture is being imported. Dr Sant remembers that l-ewwel int, and reintroduces a 60 per cent levy on imported furniture. Consumers are hit by massive price increases.

October 2003. Manuel Cuschieri is appointed head of PBS and immediately stops any further transmissions of Xarabank and Bondì+. Five PBS journalists hand in their resignation.

November 2003. Maghtab is still festering. Dr Sant declares that there is another hofra, so there is no money to be spared on dealing with the problem for the foreseeable future.

An ex-Labour councillor mutters that with Malta in the EU, funds would have been available for that precise purpose. Dr Sant howls at him at a party conference while Jimmy Magro starts praying for him.

December 2003. Budget Day. The government announces no wage increases, a 25c cost-of-living allowance, higher rates for water, electricity and gas, and increases in income tax. Howls of protest from most unions, except the GWU, which remains silent.

February 2004. Maltese students refused free participation in European cultural and educational programmes and their place is taken by students from new EU-member states.

The government refuses to pay for these students' participation on the grounds that it is a waste of time and money. Official exchange programmes with North Korea are offered instead.

May 1, 2004. Nine countries officially become EU member states in a grand ceremony in Brussels. Malta looks in from the cold outside as Dr Sant proudly declares that "partnership" will make Malta a heaven on earth... when he gets round to negotiating it.

June 2004. The EU declares that travellers from outside the EU zone will henceforth need a visa to be able to enter any EU state. Price of travelling increases further. Foreign airlines cut flights to Malta as the number of passengers decreases. Air Malta, now with no real competition, keeps prices as high as it can.

July 2004. "Partnership" mysteriously disappears from Dr Sant's speeches as Maltese travellers have to stand in long queues at passport and Customs control at London, Rome, Paris and Frankfurt airports, while Cypriots, Estonians and Poles whisk through without any checks.

August 2004. Foreign investment is reduced to a trickle as most of it is rerouted to new EU member states. Redundancies in industry increase as exports fall under the weight of new levies imposed by the EU on imports from non-EU countries like Malta and Tunisia.

September 2004. Levies on food imports increase by 50 per cent to force people to buy Maltese products.

October 2004. The government an-nounces restrictions on foreign exchange as large amounts of money start leaving the country into foreign bank accounts.

November 2004. Property market near collapse as prices fall, no one sells, and foreign buyers invest in cheaper properties in Cyprus, Spain, Greece and Italy. Construction companies complain: Dr Sant accuses them of being paid by the Nationalists to undermine public confidence in his policies.

December 2004. Shop owners and restaurants report a miserable Christmas as consumers, hit by a second Labour budget without any wage increases and higher taxes, spend very little over the festive period. Redundancies follow soon after as severe cash-flow problems hit small businesses.

January 2005. A senior Labour minister resigns in protest at Dr Sant's fiscal policies. Mario Vella writes a long article in the press, praising the glorious Labour leader's vast experience in any subject under the sun, prompting a Labour MP to remark that Dr Sant's management record is two lines long: Metalfond and Malta, with well-known results in each.

February 2005. The Labour government announces a 15 per cent devaluation of Maltese currency with immediate effect. Cost of living shoots up again as Dr Sant faces an open revolt in his cabinet.

Four junior Labour MPs vote against the government in a vote of confidence called by Dr Sant.

Dr Sant screams "traitors" and accuses them of being paid by the Nationalists to bring about his downfall. A general election is announced.

March 2005. The Nationalist Party is re-elected with a landslide.

Dr Sant declares the result illegal and proclaims victory, is ignored by everyone except by Mr Cuschieri as the party moves to remove him from the leadership.

The new prime minister tries to reopen Malta's EU membership bid. Mr Verheugen, still in office, is sympathetic, but tells the prime minister Malta has not been deemed stable enough to join the EU for the time being.

Gloom descends on the country.

Sounds far-fetched? Maybe, but maybe not.

I know that I certainly would not be taking any chances on April 12.