Picking on judges

The Inquisition is alive and well, and living in Malta. It has come out of its putrid graves like a zombie, shaking its horrible bones, chasing and harassing sinners for daring to say, sing or do anything strange that shocks dignity and pleases the devil. 

The hero of this initiative was a certain Torquemada, who was determined to find sufficient fodder for hysterical clerics to calm down their hurt conservatism.

Torquemada, for short Torquee, went round the towns, villages and countryside seeking shameless sinners and prepared their torture using all kinds of sadistic tools – including armchairs full of long pointed nails, large pincers capable of removing any part of the anatomy and triangular objects upon which sinners were forced to sit till the point penetrated to the throat just in time for the sinner to repent before gasping in dignity. It is thought that some people in Rome smiled at Torquee’s enthusiastic butchering as it was for a good reason.

Torquee was determined to impose dignity on the population, especially harmless citizens or legal intellectuals who he both modified to scapegoats.

Among the harmless citizens there were mothers who hummed a tune while hanging the washing of husband and children. These mothers were reported to Torquee by honest neighbours, who swore that they had actually heard these peaceful women communicating with the devil while nobody was observing. Thus,  these ladies were arrested and educated in the art of creative torture.

Torquee also took pleasure in hounding legal persons for disregarding dignity. These included visitors to film sets who also arrogantly accepted lunch without declaring that good food was actually a trick of the devil. The legal persons were probably scapegoats who could not normally react strongly to Torquee. The latter declared that he was not impressed by a so-called attempt at self-education since he believed that education had strictly narrow parameters. Thus, anything cultural and versatile was considered an attempt at ridiculing dignity – thus a vulgar, impertinent provocation.

I have researched, studied and practised education, convinced that it had very wide parameters not bound by what is strictly biblical. Torquee would have none of this. Dark, sober rigidity was the only expression of dignity acceptable.

Before creating more ludicrous harm, Torquemada must be reburied. Forever.

Anthony Licari PhD (human sciences) – Swieqi

Euroscepticism

Of course, Malta has initially been enthusiastic about the EU as it has been a net beneficiary. However, like most new members that eventually swap from being net beneficiaries to net contributors of the EU budget, the realisation will dawn that the EU is not a bottomless pit of money and Malta too will be asked to fill that pit.

Mark Grenside – San Pawl tat-Tarġa