How does the back-to-school period affect grandparents? Terence Mirabelli shares some first-hand experience.
As a teenager in the mid-1960s, I had only two pressing concerns – passing my O- and A-levels and dating the prettiest girls I met. At that age you don’t care about ‘beauty on the inside’.
I got through my GCEs and at 18 began working at my chosen career, at the Times of Malta, and three years later I met the love of my life.
For me it was love at first sight, for her it took five months before she came to her senses and accepted my offer of dinner (that I cooked, incidentally).
The following year we got married and soon after our daughter was born. We both knew our lives had changed the instant she made an appearance. Seventeen months later our son was welcomed to the family. Neither baby came with a manual and parenthood was learnt on the fly.
Naturally, we were bombarded with advice from family members and friends – most if it ignored – and the perennial “what you should do is…”.
Neither offspring was problematic – they were normal kids doing what all kids did then, and I emphasise then. There were no mobile phones, smart or otherwise, no tablets, no video games – they were still in their infancy and pretty awful (the video games, not the kids) – and TV was no big deal. The children played with their friends, their Lego sets, dolls, bikes and a plethora of board games.
Fortunately for us, and them, schooling was relatively painless. Both are bright and did well. The boring bits were having to attend school plays and concerts. As far as you’re concerned, your child is the cutest, clearest and most talented, and having to watch everyone else’s presumed prodigy as well is mind-numbing.
Our son took up rugby at the age of 11 or 12 and for the following 20 or so years, we were regulars at the A&E department with sprains and broken bones.
When they became teens, we added ‘taxi driver’ to our CVs and banking operations took on a new meaning. At 18 we ran a car rental business, except that we never got paid for the use of the vehicle and were expected to tank her up.
Life now revolves around the needs and timetables of our children’s children
Bringing up our kids was fun, frustrating, joyful, maddening, satisfying, tiring, expensive, exasperating, rewarding. No doubt we made mistakes along the way, but I like to think that overall we did a reasonably good job of it. The not-so-secret ingredient to success at this particular job is love.
Fast-forward a few years and both kids got married (and moved out). We rediscovered a house that remained tidy and a fridge that didn’t need to be constantly replenished.
We began to look at life from a different perspective – we no longer had to be responsible adults. We could turn the clock back and behave as if we were in our 20s again.
That didn’t last long. One cold, wet winter’s morning we became grandparents. That didn’t alter our lifestyle much but within four years another two grandchildren were born. Again, not many changes. And then, déjà vu.
“Can you look after the baby for a couple of hours, please? I need to…”. In a flash we had to remember how to change nappies, this time around they were no longer made of towelling or held together with oversized safety pins. Luckily, feeding didn’t change much, you still had to pretend the spoon was an aeroplane and add the appropriate sound effects.
This time, however, things were much simpler; disposable nappies and disposable kids – we didn’t throw the grandchildren away, of course, but returned them to their parents after our babysitting stint. These chores didn’t impact our lives too much, it’s when they got older and began ‘real’ school that the fun began.
“Can you pick up the kids – one at 12:45, the other at 1:30? And don’t forget, one’s from the main gate and the other from the side door.” Which side door? The school has half a dozen!
Once you fathom which door and dutifully pick them up, they’re hungry and, no, they don’t want to do their homework. “Oh, and can you drop off them at their private lesson at four?” And so, it goes.
It takes a scholastic year to perfect where to park and position yourself to pick up the grandchildren in the most strategic and time-effective way. That whole process is about to begin again in a few short weeks.
Moreover, the more grandchildren you have, the more school concerts you have to endure. Naturally, like our offspring, our grandchildren are the cutest, clearest and most talented. Life now revolves around the needs and timetables of our children’s children. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
A bonus of being grandparents is that you get a second chance. You now have the time you didn’t when you were younger and busy building a career, in my case being a roving correspondent and missing countless precious moments that won’t come back.
Whoever said “family is everything” is right. Love is the fuel that motivates us as parents and grandparents – indeed, the family is where life begins and love never ends.