'Listen to the children'

Grown-ups had a lot to learn from children if only they would stop and listen and stop assuming that they knew just what children were thinking and feeling, according to Joseph Cassar, psychologist and MP.

"Many grown-ups think they have nothing to learn from their children and instead of listening they talk. We lecture and preach. Only rarely do we just listen. Children have their own special thoughts and feelings, joys and sorrows, hopes and fear," he said.

Dr Cassar, who works with children, pointed out that children's bodies and behaviour had a language of their own and research showed that body language and behaviour were two of the most reliable ways of listening to them.

Speaking in the absence of Family Minister Dolores Cristina, Dr Cassar yesterday opened a two-day seminar on Giving Children A Voice, organised by the Foundation for Social Welfare Services.

This seminar, being held at the Coastline Hotel in collaboration with the Commonwealth Secretariat, is the start of a whole training programme spread over two years.

Over 130 professionals from various fields including education, social work, psychology and health as well as representatives from local councils, non-governmental organisations and the office of Commissioner for Children are attending the seminar.

The keynote speakers were Jane Aldgate and Wendy Rose from the UK's Open University, who tackled children's rights and respect for children.

Malta ratified the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child in January 1999, and Dr Cassar said that fortunately, Maltese family values continued to provide a social network with that unique bond that guarantees the strength of this institution.

"As a result the numbers of families in crisis are low when compared to other countries. However, there is no room for complacency since we are all aware of the cultural and social changes taking place in our society," he warned.

He highlighted a number of initiatives that the government had embarked on to build the sector's capacity to design and assess policies based on a family-friendly approach, such as the setting up of the office of the Commissioner for Children.

He encouraged all the participants to look at the current system, which at times fragmented care by shuttling children into a variety of uncoordinated systems, and to consider a new paradigm that put children's needs at the centre and brought services to them.

This would need the coordination of those involved in this sector to work as one big team under the guidance of the commissioner to ensure that children were given a voice.

Dr Cassar closed his speech by quoting from Denis Waitley's poem Take A Moment to Listen: "Take a moment to listen today, to what your children are trying to say; listen today, whatever you do and they will come back to listen to you."

Both Prof. Aldgate and Ms Rose put an accent on the importance of listening, but parents could not give up responsibility and they had to set boundaries.

Being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs and there was no instruction manual on how to be the perfect parent. So how could parents strike a balance between giving the child a choice on what to eat or wear, while not giving in to their whims?

"This is a very real issue and parents will always struggle with it. While it is important for children to have choices and to express preferences, it is important that they understand the parameters. It's all about attitude and dialogue - giving them the knowledge within parental boundaries," Ms Rose said.

Among the speakers at yesterday's seminar was Elaine Ellul who explained how children's rights are incorporated within the Maltese legal framework.

Appogg operations director Yvonne Mallia said this two-year training programme came at a crucial time and it was hoped that the experience and knowledge of various professionals would strengthen Malta's professional services for children and their families.

"This is an opportunity for us to appreciate that giving children a voice is not a privilege, but a basic right which we should constantly promote if we really believe that children are human beings, deserving to be treated with respect and dignity."

A vision for children

Prof. Jane Aldgate yesterday presented Scotland's vision for children, a model that clearly highlights children's needs and rights.

¤ Safe. Children and young people should be protected from abuse, neglect, and harm by others at home, at school and in the community.

¤ Nurtured. Children and young people live within a supportive family setting with additional assistance if required or where this is not possible, within another caring setting ensuring a positive and rewarding childhood experience.

¤ Healthy. Children and young people should enjoy the highest attainable standards of health, with access to suitable healthcare and support for safe and healthy lifestyle choices.

¤ Achieving. Children and young people should have access to positive learning environments and opportunities to develop their skills, confidence and self-esteem to the fullest potential.

¤ Active. Children and young people are active and are encouraged to choose rewarding play and leisure opportunities including sport.

¤ Respected and responsible. Children and young people are involved in decisions that affect them, have their voices heard and are encouraged to play an active and responsible role

¤ Included. Children and young people and their carers have access to high quality services when required, and are assisted to overcome the social educational, physical, geographic, environmental and economic barriers that create inequality.