How important is it for new mums and dads to acquire parenting skills at an early stage? Marianne Theuma writes about how the birthing tradition fosters a stronger bond, but how today’s society does not help much when it comes to nurturing the rituals of an emotional birth.
There is not much that needs to be said about the physical process that turns us humans into parents. Without going into the merits of assisted procedures such as IVF, we share this with all the other mammals on the planet.
The baby’s father was nowhere to be seen. It was not considered right for him to be present in this women-only territory
Until around 60 years ago, birth happened in the home, where the mother was surrounded by women from her own family and the village midwife – typically a highly popular person whom everybody knew, since she would have attended most births in the area. The birthing place was very familiar, being the mother’s own bedroom. Until that same day of the birth, she kept busy in the house, helping out with the large family she was surrounded by, or even working in the fields. Whatever we may think, the concept of working mothers is certainly not new.
Ġużeppa, the midwife, was called when the mother felt the symptoms that indicated the time was ripe. The whole procedure was accompanied by holding of hands, wiping of brow, candle-lit holy pictures, the recital of the Rosary and probably the smell of chicken broth being prepared, so that the mother could indulge as soon as the birth was over.
The baby’s father was nowhere to be seen. It was not considered right for him to be present in this women-only territory. Depending on the mother’s perception of the birth, there could have been total serenity, or perhaps screaming, until the baby’s cry happily filled the room. That was the time to thank God… All was well!
Admittedly, not all was well all the time. There were instances when the process didn’t conclude naturally for one reason or another. Science today has contributed precious knowledge on the subject of birthing. Generally speaking, mothers can feel relatively much safer when going through pregnancy and birth.
Which begs the question: why is pregnancy and especially the birth today still associated with a lot of fear? Ask any pregnant first-time mother and she will admit she’d rather have somebody else do the job for her! In spite of all our modern-day technology, the birth day is still dreaded by most of today’s pregnant ladies. The factors that contribute to this fear are various.
The fact that birth was taken out of the home and placed in a hospital affects our perception. We are used to going to hospital only when there is something wrong with our body. Pregnancy and birth are a healthy part of a natural process – despite this, births today mostly happen in a hospital.
The hospital system has replaced the traditional figure of the midwife with a team of midwives, who, while highly professional, are strangers to the mother. Meeting the midwife for the first time on the day of the birth does not allow for the emotional support that is best built over a period of time. Ideally, a system of continuity of care throughout pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period by the same carers is introduced.
Husbands today are allowed, or even encouraged to be present during the birth. This does not automatically make them the best people to provide the emotional support a mother needs. They need to be properly educated for this.
A birthing mother needs to be supported by positive attendants, who believe in her ability to give birth. The active management of birth to suit the hospital system not only robs her of a positive natural experience, where she can be in control, but also causes disruption in the process, even causing unnecessary augmented pain.
Crucial natural birth hormones, such as oxytocin and endorphins, which are the body’s natural painkillers, are released by a relaxed mind. These contribute to a smooth, less problematic experience of birth.
The attitude of the carers within the room has a significant effect on the labouring mother. As part of their training, carers need to work on past negative experiences they may have encountered before they are ready to attend a birth. Their body language and facial expressions speak louder than words to a highly sensitive and vulnerable pregnant or birthing mother.
The slightest disruption affects the process: changing of personnel because of shifts; people entering the birthing room; too much noise; too much light; a loud clock... The support team needs to be sensitive to the mother’s needs even before she asks.
Privacy ranks very high on a labouring mother’s agenda. Trials on mammals show that when a mother is disturbed, her labour stops. In a human mother, this means increasing the need for drugs.
This does not only happen during the birth but also during the sensitive time immediately after. Trials on animals show that when disturbed at any time during this sensitive period, the mother may not recognise or even refuse to care for her young.
A Caesarean section is a major operation performed to save a mother or a baby when problems crop up. According to the World Health Organisation, 85 per cent of births are problem free. Only about 15 per cent need some kind of intervention, out of which only five to 10 per cent require a C-section.
Studies show that with the proper kind of support during labour, the mother shows more motherly instinct soon after the birth
Although today, C-Sections have become a safe procedure, getting the baby out this way disrupts the natural emotional and psychological process, which is intended to prepare both the mother and the baby for an intimate relationship so crucial for life. For this reason, Caesareans should only be performed when truly necessary, and where possible, after a trial of labour has been allowed to take its course. A Caesarean is definitely not an easy way out for the mother, or for the baby.
Studies show that with the proper kind of support during a normal labour, the mother shows more motherly instinct soon after the birth. She naturally gives more eye and skin contact. She even uses a special tone of voice to communicate with her baby. The mother-baby attachment is at its best during the first hour after the birth and should not be disturbed by the surroundings, or by drugs.
The sense of achievement felt by the mother after a birth is tremendous and has a long-term effect. Robbing her of this sensation may make her feel inadequate as a parent in many ways. Professional psychological support may then be necessary to correct this feeling.
The best gift the father can receive is when the mother turns to him after the birth and says: “I couldn’t have done this without you.” This contributes to the long-term positive relationship of the parents so crucial for family life.
Problems with bonding, breastfeeding and caring for the baby are much less likely with the proper kind of psychological support.
In practice, society today does not help much when it comes to fostering these birthing rituals. New parents are still told not to breastfeed beyond six months when the WHO suggests two years. They are told not to hold their babies, lest they spoil them. Cots, playpens, prams, pushchairs and nursery rooms in the house are ‘handy’ devices, which seem to make it a point to keep babies away from their mums. Mothers are encouraged to go back to their careers soon after the birth, being led to believe that it is a waste not to use their education accordingly. Grandparents take over the mothering, or other carers are paid to ‘mother’ the babies instead. Teachers are told not to hug a child lest they be accused of abuse.
Can a child live without affection in the very early years? Psychologists say that problems in adulthood may be traced back to lack of intimacy during infancy. So why allow generations of parents to do without the proper knowledge and support that could contribute to an emotionally healthier society?
It is time we truly start investing in our families. An organised system of parent education and support is called for, before the need to solve family problems increases further.
Marianne Theuma is director of In the Family Way School for Parents.