They say it takes a village to raise a child, but when that is not possible, the next best thing is your extended family.

For Mother's Day, Sarah Carabott spoke to three generations of mothers who over the past decades gave their all for their family.

One day, when Anthea was two, she drew the bolt of her grandmother's front door, just like she had seen the grown-ups do so many times.

But in doing so, she locked herself indoors, leaving both her mother Tania and grandmother Antoinette on the other side of the door.

A large house with several flights of stairs is no safe place for a toddler on its own and the two women’s motherly instinct immediately kicked in. In a coordinated effort, a tearful Antoinette distracted her granddaughter by trying to hold a conversation with her from behind the door, while Tania ran to thetothe neighbours’.

Tania knew what she had to do and had no time to think twice about it. Despite being extremely scared of heights she jumped down one storey into her mother’s garden, thinking only of reaching her eldest before she got into any more trouble.

For Anthea, that incident - which lasted a few minutes and, thankfully, was a one-off– encapsulates a mother’s unconditional love.

“My mother, who to this day avoids going on the roof because she is scared of heights, put all her fears aside, together with any possible consequence such as breaking her leg, just to get to me as soon as possible.”

Talking to the three women feels like talking to the same woman at different points of her life – when aged 84, 61 and 29.

They all have the same namesake – St Anthony. In keeping with tradition, but with a contemporary twist, Anthea, who last month gave birth to her second child Dylan, calls her eldest “nena”, short for Mairena.

All three are mothers and all three believe that “family is everything”.

“The women in our family raise their children knowing that family is a safe place,” Anthea says.

“We look out for each other throughout our whole life. After years of being looked after, once children come of age and form their own family, they look out for the older generations and are there for them when they need help.”

Her grandmother Antoinette, the eldest of three children, recalls how when she married, she remained in her childhood house, where she could take care of her parents while raising her own children.

Back then, motherhood involved more manual labour: among others, nappies were reusable and had to be constantly washed,while food options were limited, with all meals being made at home from scratch.

Most often, while their mother carried out all the housework, babies and toddlers were placed in a playpen, set up on a bed, out of harm’s way.

Antoinette with Anthea and her baby brother Jonathan.

Antoinette’s siblings, who lived in the same house until they too got married, also helped keep the children occupied throughout the day.

“There was always someone at my parents’ home to take care of the children – the place was like a meeting point for the family, and as they grew older, children also had the facility to play passju or football outdoors, with the neighbours… something we don’t dare think of nowadays,” Tania adds.

“We also spent a lot of time at home, listening to the rediffusion, watching black and white TV, and making homemade food, like ravjul.”

Unlike her mother, Tania was in gainful employment before getting married, but then decided to quit her job to be able to raise her own family.

Now that Tania’s two children have grown into adults, it is her turn to care for her mother, while at the same time supporting her daughter with her two children.

Anthea, a lawyer by profession, recently left a legal firm and set up her own office to ensure flexibility that would allow her to juggle parenthood and a career. She managed to continue working throughout her second pregnancy and after giving birth.

 “When it came to choosing between my family and career, I chose my family. It was my career that adapted to my family…although I must admit that unlike the older generations, mothers my age are more likely to share parenthood responsibilities with their partners. My husband Tennessee is very much involved in the upbringing of our children and housework.”

So what is the biggest change that mothers have gone through over the past three generations?

The oldest mother, Antoinette, believes that back in her time children were easier to handle.

“I think children listened to their parents much more… and they used to return home at the same time that today’s youths start getting ready to go out,” she quips, to Anthea’s protests.

Her daughter Tania agrees. “I think we were a bit more disciplined back then. Had we dared return home after 10pm, we would have had to sleep outdoors,” she says, adding that she never dared test that theory.

Anthea hopes to follow in the footsteps of her grandmother and her mother, but how can you discipline your children while maintaining a strong bond?

Tania believes that trust is key: “just like my mother was with me,I was always sincere with my children, and I would try answer all their questions, while keeping in mind their age, of course.

“I believe that trust and communication are very important, so even when we have arguments, we talk out our differences and find the middle road.” •