'My dad wants to give my daughter €43,000 at 18 and I said no. Am I wrong?'

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Dear Luca,

This might not be the most popular decision, but I stopped my Dad from giving my daughter €43,000 now that she turned 18.

It was not an easy decision, but both my husband and I are on the same page. We want our daughter to form her own path responsibly, just like we did. We believe this is the best way to accelerate her maturity. Will she face difficulties? Of course. But we believe this is what builds resilience.

I feel that many in this generation are becoming too comfortable receiving before they’ve had to work for it. I don’t want my daughter to go through the same experience as others. After years of working hard, we instilled a healthy discipline when it came to money, which we'd like our daughter to have.

My dad is obviously not happy, and he feels I’m paranoid.

But am I? I even read your recent article about the daughter who bought a €2,000 iPhone on a Buy Now Pay Later scheme, and I was surprised how many people supported her decision!

So yes, despite the above beliefs, I still have that nagging guilt about denying her a €43,000 windfall.

I would appreciate your thoughts.

Paranoid or Right?

Luca responds: 

This is truly a difficult situation to be in. However, it is clear that you don't want to be paranoid, you want to be protective. That said, protection should not become control

To be honest with you, as a parent I would find it extremely difficult to reject a €43,000 sum for my children. But let’s break this down gradually.

You say you don’t want your daughter to have such a large amount of money without working for it. The real question is not whether she should receive the money, but whether she is ready to handle it.

You want her to ‘earn’ the money, rather than it being rewarded without strain. Having said that, do you know what your daughter would do with the money if she received it?

A more balanced approach could be to structure the gift differently - for example, releasing it in stages, or tying it to a purpose such as education, a property deposit, or even an investment.

If she uses that money to invest (in the market, in property, in her own future) that's not irresponsibility, it's a head start. The question worth asking is not whether she should receive it, but what she would actually do with it. Have you asked her?

If you’re concerned that she will not use the money responsibly, then how about agreeing with your dad to give her the money when she’s a bit older? She might even need it more at that point than she does now. 

I can see that this might create resentment on both your dad’s and your daughter’s side, and that is where we must be careful. Your daughter is 18, and your dad is obviously capable of making his own decisions.

By coming in between and forcefully stopping all this, it might backfire rather than work in your favour or in the interests of your daughter.

It would be best if you could agree with your dad about how the sum is given. That way you’d ensure that your daughter doesn’t take anything for granted, while at the same time keeping the harmony of the family.

The scenario you mentioned in the previous article is different to yours, but yes, different generations don't just think differently about money; they grow up in completely different financial realities. That's worth keeping in mind before drawing comparisons.

I hope this helps.

Luca is the founder of the Money Coaching Hub. Email him your financial questions or your response to today's question for a chance to be featured in a future column.

Disclaimer: This column is intended to provide general information on various topics related to personal finance. The information provided is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as personalised financial advice for your specific situation. Financial decisions are highly individual and can vary greatly based on your unique circumstances, goals, and risk tolerance. The author of this column is not authorised to provide financial advice. Before making any financial decisions, it is recommended to seek professional financial advice from an authorised financial advisor.