No, but seriously...

"Oh Norm, this caviar is delicious. What a clever idea to serve it on toast as a starter."

"Thank you... and please note it's red caviar, not black... never ever black. Now I expect you're all dying to hear how I intend to make Malta great again."

"Erm..."

"Well..."

"I'm going to do it by adopting, what I call my... final solution. Catchy title, eh?"

"Would you pass the salt please?"

"What? Oh sure. Now to expand on my concept -"

"Shall I clear the plates?"

"Er, yes sure. Right I -"

"Are you going to serve the main course, Norm, or shall I?"

"Oh um... No, there's another course before the main. There should be a bowl of chilled soup in the fridge somewhere."

"Ooh lovely, what is it, gazpacho?"

"Er no, Gestapo."

"Gestapo? How come, Norm?"

"Because it gets you up in the middle of the night to answer the call."

"'Fraid there don't seem to be many takers for the cold soup, so shall I skip straight to the main course?"

"Oh alright then. Now to get back to our subject..."

"Your... subject."

"Whatever. Now the final solution, which I shall put into -"

"Oh Deirdre, you're wearing that blue lurex top again. I always think it's so you, which is probably why I nearly always see you in it. Oh... sorry to interrupt, Norm. Do go on."

"Harrumph! Thank you. Yes, as I see it -"

"Is everyone having pork casserole?"

"Ooh yes, please."

"Ra - ther."

"Love pork casserole."

"Make it yourself, did you Norman?"

"No I... yes, look -"

"I assume you don't use a kosher butcher."

"What?"

"The rice seems to have got a bit gluey, but never mind. Oh, and there's salad... I think. Or is that your lunch tomorrow, Norm?"

"No, it's for tonight... as is my dissertation on how to make Malta great again. First of all, dump all those blacker than black illegal immigrants in the sea offshore. I mean do you want to see Malta overrun by -"

"Oh sorry, I interrupted again, didn't I? Um, is there a dressing to go with the salad?"

"What? Oh yes... somewhere... interruptions, inter-bloody-ruptions."

"I'll have a rummage, see what I can find."

'I've asked you... friends here tonight for two reasons."

"OK, we can guess one reason, what's the other reason?"

"To give you dinner."

"That's the one I was thinking of; is there another one?"

"Of course there is! Are you not aware that the pervasive influence of the loony left is spreading its tentacles into every branch of our society?"

"This pork is really tasty."

"Good... Yes, pinkos in league with Zionists, in league with blacks, in league with homosexuals. And each one hell-bent on making Malta a fourth world power."

"Is this the salad dressing, Norm?"

"What? Oh yes, yes whatever... Friends, we are under threat on all sides. Our pure Aryan race is at risk of dilution and -"

"Why are you standing with your hand in the air Norman? It's your house, you don't have to ask when you want to visit the WC."

"I don't want to... Look, would any of you want some black or Arab family to move into the villa next door to you?"

"The Arabs are the only people who can afford the villas in our neck of the woods."

"So you don't mind them living on your doorstep?"

"Not really. Oh, it gets a bit messy when they slaughter a goat in the pergola out at the back, but other than that..."

"Do you know what you're saying?"

"Is there a pudding?"

"Not now, Deirdre. I asked you if you know what you're saying."

"Or shall I pop out and get some ice cream? Who's for chocolate ice cream?"

"No, not chocolate. If you must interrupt my flow... go and get vanilla, at least it's white."

"Righty-ho... If I get the ice cream, Miriam, will you make the coffee, dear?"

"Friends... we must unite! We must -"

"Coffee it is then... now who's white and who's black?"