Number three...

The names in the frame...

"I think the next one should be a woman."

"Oh, really Giovanna - and did you have anybody in mind?"

"Oh well now... far be it from me to ..."

"Forgive me for interrupting, but ..."

"Yes Joe?"

"But didn't you promise it to Lou?"

"Lou Bondi!!!???"

"No! If you'll let me finish. Didn't you promise it to Louis?"

"I'm not aware that I promised it to anyone."

"So you've no objection to selecting me... er, I mean a woman?"

"In principle, no. But if we go down that road Giovanna... don't you think we'll run the risk of tokenism?"

"Well it has been done before."

"Sort of, yes I agree. But there are other considerations besides the - if you'll pardon me for mentioning them - sex and physical charms, of the candidates."

"What about a neutral appointment?"

(Gasps, which quickly turn to howls of derision, greet this suggestion)

"Neutral? Have you taken leave of your senses John?"

"Neutral? Man's an idiot!"

"Impossible!"

"What else are we here for?"

"Hear, hear!"

"I still think it should be a woman."

"Will somebody gag her please."

"Aren't you afraid you might miss your ferry, Giovann?"

"Ladies and gentlemen please. This is supposed to be a serious discussion, culminating... hopefully, in the appointment of one of - if not the most - prestigious post of all. Now then: I think the first thing we should do is draw up a shortlist of candidates." - "Fair enough, but will that... alien be on it?"

"Yes, why not?"

"But, but... he's from... he's an outsider."

"Yes, so?"

"It's not healthy, it's not normal. It would be going against the natural order of things."

"What do you mean Richard?"

"The rules are clear. When their lot are in charge... they choose one of their own; when we are in the driving seat... which we are now, thank goodness... we choose someone a little more able and amenable."

"He's right. You can't interfere with nature. Look what happened with GM wheat and Dolly the sheep."

(A low rumble of assent runs through the assemblage)

"Alright, alright... let's do as you suggest and stick with one of our home-grown worthies."

"Does that include female home-grown worthies?"

"Yes of - Er, Giovanna would you like to slip out and put the kettle on?"

"No."

"Yes George, you have your hand up... feel free."

"Um... I sort of like the idea of it being a neutral. What about that chap Arnold...?"

"Arnold?"

"Yes, you know... Arnold er wotsisname?"

"Schwarzenegger?"

"No, no, oh you know the one from that small outfit that nobody takes any notice of."

"Pardon me for stating the obvious, but if nobody takes any notice of him or them... why should we?"

"Good point Austin. Any more fatuous suggestions?"

"Just a thought but... why don't we reappoint the present chap? I mean, everybody agrees he's done a pretty decent job... on the whole."

"I'm not sure, but I don't think we can. It's against the constitution or something."

"Then who have we got so far?"

"Um, there's, well there's Louis, as you mentioned... and Joe and... that's it really."

"I may have missed something, but I didn't hear you mention a woman in that very short shortlist."

"Well spotted Giovanna, yes John?"

"Don't you think that maybe a few of the old guard might be considered for the job?"

"Such as?"

"I don't want to push myself but ..."

"Quite. Any other suggestions?"

(A general non-committal murmur sweeps through those present)

"Good. Then I take it we can vote on it, right?"

(Another wave of communal murmuring)

"Excellent. Then, by a show of hands, please indicate clearly just who you feel should be the poor fellow who gets to be the next Malta football coach."