Omnia munda mundis

Don Abbondio, in Manzoni's I Promessi Sposi, utters the famous words, Omnia munda mundis, which simply mean "a dirty mind thinks dirty". Recently I addressed a public political gathering in Gudja, and towards the end, while describing the plight of fishermen in the European Union member states (the present ones, to be clear), I surmised what would be the situation of our Maltese fishermen. Thousands of fishermen in the EU are going to lose their jobs because of new regulations, decided over their heads.

My reasoning is simple. If they are better equipped with modern boats and computer aids in tracking the best areas where to fish, what chance do our fishermen have but to relinquish their job, and take a fishing rod on the shore and pass their time.

My first expression was: "They will remain with a fishing rod in their hand". A fishing rod in Maltese is qasba, which is a cane rod, even if made of resilient fibre. The cane, being of vegetable origin, prompted an impromptu expression, naturally in Maltese, which goes "tibqa' biz-zokk f'idejk." This is an expression which, for me, is devoid of any double meaning. Some people smiled, and I asked why, as this was a perfectly legitimate expression. "Tibqa' biz-zokk f'idejk" colloquially means "remaining empty-handed".

Developing the same simile, I went on to say that the cane, after all can be useful to give a good spanking to those who are selling us down the river in the dealings with the European Commission.

Readers can certainly visualise spanking - buttocks up on the knees of the disciplinarian who metes out the punishment. Is buttocks improper in English? Or would a bottom be better? I looked it up in some dictionaries, and both words are perfectly legitimate.

Yes, I do believe that the Maltese are being left empty-handed (biz-zokk f'idejhom), and that the cane should be used to give a good (metaphorical) bashing on the backside of those who are obscenely trading away our interests.

The puritan Nationalist Party was up in arms, not against the arguments, but by saying that I used improper and obscene language. I admit that I am not as saintly and perfect as they. I use four-letter words, five-letter words, six-letter words, and seven-letter words, with a spacing between the fourth and the fifth. Did you guess that?

Improper language

Maltese has been accepted as an official language in the EU, we are told. Which Maltese language? That which avoids anything which is developed by the common parlance of people, and prefers the twisted translation from another language? In Gozo certain words which may be taboo in Malta are uttered from the pulpit.

What is language except a form of communication which people use and understand? Or are certain words permissible in a dictionary but not in common parlance or writing? I used the word warrani for "bottom".

It would have been possibly better for those who prefer an Italianised version. The Italians use sculacciata, and it is not difficult to get to the origin of the word. The Spanish version, azotes en las nalgas, would be too difficult.

Does a foreign word make certain expressions acceptable, while the vernacular is improper, obscene or naughtily double-meaning? I could have used the polished French dérriere for warrani, or for more impact, the German Gesass.

Call it what you like

By whatever expression you may wish to describe the idea, those who are sheepishly accepting all that the EU Commission is imposing, deserve a "daqqa ta' zokk fuq il-warrani" (the words I used), a sculacciata, a good spanking, or azotes en las nalgas, or all together.

The malicious change of meaning from "a stick on" into "a stick in" continues to remind me of Don Abbondio, and Omnia munda mundis. The recording proves that the Maltese word, official even in Brussels, that I used was "on" not "in". But the bottom line (no double meaning here)? The negotiations are a slap in the face. That makes it cleaner but equally true, front or back.