Throughout history, child abuse was considered as a private matter rather than a societal concern. Most parents would make sure that what went on in their homes remained very private. It was only through the publication of various cases in the media that such issues became of public concern and awareness of child abuse became more of a societal responsibility.

For many years, corporal punishment was an accepted form of discipline on children, notwithstanding the long-term psychological effects it had and the impact on child development. Luckily, we are now living in a society that encourages the voice of the child and where there is a legal framework for the protection of minors.

All children deserve to live in a safe world that provides them with a good quality of life and where they are happy. Unfortunately, not every child shares this reality. For some children abuse is an everyday reality. Positive discipline aims at strengthening the relationship between children and caregivers and offers opportunities to learn ways that protects minors from abuse while also offering structure.

This can only be achieved when there is safety and a collaborative relationship within the family and also access to services that could offer the necessary support. Parenting is a challenging task and does not come with a manual. Different children offer different challenges even when brought up in the same system by the same parents. Having the necessary resources and support network could support this process, especially in a very fast-paced life.

It is of utmost importance to spend good quality time with children

After all, it takes a village to raise a child. Positive discipline is very different from punishment. While the former aims at teaching and guidance, the latter often focuses on the negative behaviour and tends to use shame and blame as a consequence. Through positive discipline, the children are provided with an opportunity to understand what they did wrong and learn new ways of how to do things differently.

Children often like to please us and so they are more likely to repeat the behaviours that we choose to focus on. If we punish the bad behaviour, they are more likely to repeat it again as they provoked a reaction. When we offer children the opportunity to understand what they did wrong and guide them to do it better, they learn new skills and also feel safe and secure.

Focusing on positive behaviour also helps them build confidence and will be more likely to repeat it as when children feel better they also do better. Research shows us that punishment is not effective and has a negative impact on the child’s psychological wellbeing and overall self-confidence. It does not equip the child with the necessary resources to understand what they did wrong and feel they have a chance to do it better.

Children need a positive structure that offers clarity, consistency and accountability.

This helps them feel more safe and secure to ask for help. Parents also need to be positive role models as children are more likely to repeat the behaviours they observe. It is not uncommon that children push our buttons and it is the adult’s responsibility to help them learn how to regulate and contain themselves.

If we show them that it is ok to lose control and act aggressively, they are more likely to repeat such behaviour.

It is of utmost importance to spend good quality time with children as that will not only provide them with opportunities to learn and observe but also to strengthen the relationship. When they feel they have our positive attention, they are less likely to misbehave to attract our attention.

Finally, it also important to seek help and support when needed as parenting can be as frustrating as it can be rewarding.

Building strong connections ensures that children are more likely to turn to us when in difficulty and less likely to challenge boundaries if they know what is expected of them and are provided with the necessary attention they require.

Antonella Mizzi, Director for the Directorate for the Child Protection Services, Foundation for the Social Welfare Services.