Positive discipline

I was alarmed to read the letter by Simon Debono (March 8) in which he encourages smacking as a justified form of discipline. There is no situation that changes hitting from a wrong thing into a right thing. There is no excuse that magically makes hurting children kind or merciful.

In Mr Debono's own words "the formative years of a person do, to a great extent, dictate what type of person he/she will be in life..." Parents set the example of what is right and good.

Spanking a child relays the message that it is all right to hit people... even loved ones. It must be even more confusing for children whose parents tell them that hitting is wrong as when their parents, in turn, hit them they might understand that it is all right to do something that is wrong.

Love, on the other hand, is the best kind of positive discipline as it builds a child's confidence and self esteem.

The more the parents manifest love towards their offspring, the more the latter will want to prove that they deserve it. Communication is something we profess in all relationships, so why not in parent-child relationships? Listen to what your child has to say and also explain why something is wrong and apologise when you yourself do something wrong.

An authoritarian approach, using phrases like "Because I said so!" will only lead to rebellious behaviour. Parents and teachers who use kindness and firmness to teach life skills will encourage self-respect, self-discipline, cooperation, good behaviour and problem-solving skills in children.

This is not to say that parenting and teaching are not stressful and, thus, when you feel that you have had enough or else that you're losing control instead of resorting to smacking or shouting, walk away, calm down and count to 10.

Sometimes the real reason behind anger might have nothing to do with the children in question.