Putting children first

I have long wanted to put my thoughts in writing about the delicate job of bringing up children, as I see a lot of things around me that make me feel things are not moving in the right direction.

Fact: Children will only honour their mothers and fathers if they are given good reason to honour them as they are being brought up.

Parents should guide their children from birth to adulthood, in all things that are good, honourable, ethical, kindly, just and loveable, so that when the children are adults themselves they will be able to transfer these characteristics to the next generation and beyond.

The secret is how to convey to a child these good actions without alienating them and turning them in the opposite direction. This can be done by giving children respect, love, attention and friendship. Show them affection and give them a hug each day and tell them you love them. Tell them you are proud of them and always show them a good example.

Play with them and give them time. Teach them, show them integrity and the right way of doing things.

Don't argue in front of them nor let them see you doing or seeing things that will make them ashamed of you. In front of their growing children, parents should show they love and respect each other.

They must also gain their children's trust, because if the children do not trust their parents or get love and attention, they will get advice and help from elsewhere - possibly the wrong advice which could be the start of a split between parents and child.

Some parents tend to take the easy way out in bringing up their children especially if they are very busy or have special interests; neglect sets in only too rapidly.

Children sense this immediately. Money paid to children is no substitute for love, affection and companionship.

Children should be taught to love and appreciate their parents and show them affection and respect, respect that the parents should have worked to acquire. The children should want to look after and love their elderly parents as time goes by, just as their parents showed them by example when they looked after them and loved them when they were young.

There is a certain time in the development of children when they think they are adults and they are not, and their parents think they are still children, which they won't be. This gives rise to many potential problems. I will use one example - the way they dress. Children want to dress one way and we expect them to dress in another. This has been a problem over many generations and can be multiplied if the children in a family belong to different age groups.

Trends of dress can change overnight. Today girls show their navel. When my sister was young it was the petticoat showing below the hem of the dress. Either might be viewed by the parents as "scandalous".

The solution is normally compromise. We all know that compromise can only be achieved if there is mutual trust, which should have been developed between parents and children over the years that the child is growing up at home.

The most important thing in the world is the family. If each of us looks after our own family in the correct way and tries to bring our children up properly, all of the other problems facing us in this world would be much easier to overcome.