Some people like to circumcise the shiny exhaust pipes on their shiny motorbikes and shiny cars so that they make a lot of noise.

This practice seems to inject this sub-culture with additional adrenalin over and above what they get from driving at warp speeds on our roads.

Now nobody really wants to lessen people’s pleasure from riding powerful motorcycles but why should everybody else have to suffer from noise unnecessarily?

The truth of the matter is that not everybody really appreciates the tortured scream created by a Ducati Panigale V4 with a 1103cc desmodromic 90° V4 and no exhaust pipe to speak of. Or that of a similarly mutilated 1980s’ Honda Civic Si Mk3 Hot Hatch. Especially around dawn or midnight,  which appear to be preferred times for petrolheads to annoy everyone.

We are moving towards a world with electric cars, which are quieter and, possibly, less polluting. Towards technology that absorbs noise with better road surfacing. But the glaring area that is still to be addressed is that of noisy motorcycles and cars gratifying the few for the annoyance of everybody else.

Noise is measured in decibels. For example, a hairdryer makes 70 decibels of sound and a dishwasher 75 decibels. Normal conversation is about 60 decibels and a loud rock concert is about 120 decibels. In general, sounds above 85 are harmful.

Vehicle noise regulations are guided by the United Nations Economic Commission for Europe. It dictates that motorcycles should have maximum noise levels of between 73 and 77 decibels, depending on engine size. The legal noise level for a standard car is 82 decibels.

The police in a more enlightened country than ours have tested vehicles using a high-tech acoustic analyser that can give an instant reading of sound levels. They found one vehicle with an exhaust noise of 101 decibels, the equivalent of a pneumatic drill at a distance of five metres.

Disturbing the public peace by making excessive noise is an offence

A French town on the outskirts of Paris Orly airport has begun tackling loud motorcycle exhausts by installing a ‘noise radar’ capable of identifying the offending vehicle, pinpointing its location and automatically issuing a ticket.

We don’t know how much noise such machines are making on our roads but it’s much more than dishwashers and hair dryers.

It’s a no brainer that the technology exists to detect and identify vehicles that create too much noise. So why is it that we have not used some of the surplus from our overflowing coffers to invest in this latest technology?

We read some months back that the police have handheld speed detector cameras but whether they are using them or not is unknown. Judging by the Sunday morning racket on the Coast Road, they either don’t work, they don’t use them or else don’t want to use them.

The statement that speed is related to noise is generally true. We have installed speed cameras in many of the roads where overspeeding happens, perhaps hoping to curb some of the excessive speed and some of the noise as a bonus.

But our petrolheads are not stupid. They cleverly circumvent that one by remembering where the speed cameras are, slowing down for a few metres till they are out of range then blasting off again as they accelerate through their rev range.

Disturbing the public peace by making excessive noise is an offence, as is driving at three or four times the legal speed limit on public roads.

It beggars belief that the police have not got this flagrant lawbreaking under control after so many years.

There can only be a few reasons for this. The police don’t want to. The police are incapable of doing it. The police are under orders not to.

The truth of the matter is that the only sure way of ensuring that the petrolheads stay in their garages polishing their machines is if it rains. It doesn’t have to be a biblical deluge, a light drizzle will suffice to send them scurrying to protect the polish.

So, to quote from Carly Simon’s classic hit song, “It might as well rain until September”.