As someone who grew up in the 1990s, I belonged to one of the very last generations able to spend time playing outdoors with other neighbourhood kids. As opposed to playing Super Mario on a video game console or Candy Crush on a smartphone.
The only friends I knew were ones made of flesh, not Instagram profiles of people I had never met. I would fervently knock on my neighbours’ doors to entice other children to come outside and play with me.
Unfortunately, such tangible physical and emotional connections have, over time, been replaced by solitary indoor activities like texting, gaming and surfing the internet.
During this bygone era, I also got to experience first-hand primary and secondary education in Malta. I always attended government schools and they were staffed with nothing short of highly professional teachers. I remember clear instances when the teacher would enter the class and complete silence would ensue. When the teacher would give us instructions, us students did as we were told.
There wasn’t a time when I went to school without having done my homework. Disobeying the teacher? Unthinkable! Teachers were well-respected figures in the community, by students and parents alike. During Parents’ Day, when the teacher provided feedback about my behaviour in class, my parents would reward or reprimand me accordingly. They worked hand in hand to help me with my education.
Nowadays, it’s a different story entirely. The social constructs have changed – the norm nowadays seems to be that of entitled parents and children alike. In April 2022, a number of online news portals in Malta reported the shocking news that a teacher’s water bottle was spiked with a chemical.
During my professional career, this was not the first incident I had encountered where children or adolescents displayed anti-social behaviour towards educators and other students. I have witnessed cases in court where the uncontrollable behaviours of deviant minors led them to commit highly illegal acts.
I have had cases of children and adolescents referred to me because of school-related issues. Sometimes, the misbehaviour turned out to be a displacement of family problems. Displacement is a psychological defence mechanism where a person redirects a negative emotion from its original source (for example, a parent) to a less threatening recipient (for example, a teacher or classmate).
The only friends I knew were ones made of flesh, not Instagram profiles of people I had never met- Maria Mifsud
During the sessions, it might emerge that the child or adolescent is playing out their part in a domestic conflict between the parents or a sibling rivalry situation and, thus, this pattern will continue repeating itself at school. Most commonly, the parent-child-teacher triangle is the result of a displacement of a parent-child conflict on to the teacher-child relationship.
Problems at home may result from ultra-permissive parenting or ultra-strict parenting. An enmeshed parenting style can also be a problem, where family relationships lack boundaries and the roles and expectations are confused. The disregarding of emotions, neglect, abuse, disconnection from their families, violence at home, disagreements between parents and so forth can also be problematic for the child.
Acting out at school may be the result of strictness at home or, contrarily, permissiveness at home. Emotional, biological or characterological difficulties in the child might also be determining factors.
Another issue is when the parents have conflicts with the teachers, perhaps because of a personality clash, a disagreement about educational methods or else because of personality-related problems.
How can you best support your child if they display behavioural problems at school? Provide a space where your child can talk about their concerns and express their feelings. Validate your child’s feelings. Provide a safe place at home. Avoid conflict at home. Keep the conversations ongoing.
When teachers discuss concerns about your child, listen to them and work hand in hand with the school to avoid giving a contradictory message to the child. If problems persist, consult with a family psychotherapist, psychologist or school counsellor.