The reality of separations

Anna Micallef (November 7) started her letter by questioning how conscious people are of what a marital separation entails and what its consequences are. She then goes on to give a biased one-sided view of separation. Her conclusion is that it is best to remain in a marriage than separate and spend the rest of your life in legal costs and litigation. I have read the letter a number of times to try to make sense of it. The truth is that this lady has absolutely no idea what she is writing about except the usual recycled rhetoric.

Unlike what she implies, people who do separate do not do it for the fun of it but because the marriage would not have worked out. I find it disturbing that she labels separated people as a club, almost implying that people separate just for the sake of separating. While I partially agree that there may be negative effects of separation on children, these are nothing compared to those of bringing up children in a stormy marriage. Unlike Mrs Micallef, I have first-hand experience of the "delights"' of a marriage beset by domestic violence and the effects it has on children. Contrary to Mrs Micallef I can state with certainty that the quicker the children are removed from this environment the better it is.

Unlike Mrs Micallef, I will not try and frighten married couples whose marriage is in difficulty or even defunct to remain where they are because the "alternative" is bleak. To me, the bleakest part is the government's refusal to introduce divorce (for political reasons) since this only adds to more suffering. Marriages break down for a variety of reasons, such as domestic violence, adultery, immaturity of partners etc. In several cases the "alternative" is the better option.

There are always injured parties, namely the children and possibly one of the partners. If couples are in these dire straits I do suggest that as a first step counselling should be sought to see if it is possible to save the marriage. This, however, depends on the willingness of both partners and this is seldom the case. If this fails, it would be better to consider seriously whether it is worth a life of misery in a marriage that no longer exists except on paper.