He was told his Sliema sweetheart was dead. 40 years later he found her alive

For years, John Sanderson believed the teenage sweetheart he met at Sliema’s Holy Trinity Church had died in a car accident. 

Now 67, he has written a memoir, The Ghost of Love, about the lie that kept them apart for decades. 

John says he and Louise Crookshank each spent about 40 years believing the other was dead, before discovering the truth and meeting again. 

“I broke down into tears when I found out Louise was alive. What else was I meant to do? I just realised my first love wasn’t truly dead,” he said. 

The young couple met at the Royal Navy School in tal-Ħandaq in the 1970s when John was 14 and Louise 12, and their young love blossomed as they sang together in the church choir. 

The pair spent nearly all their time together, but their relationship faced opposition from Louise’s family, particularly her father. 

One moment remains etched in John’s memory: his final church service before leaving Malta for the UK at the age of 17.

“I was heartbroken and struggling to hold it together,” he said. 

After the service, the pair took a photo outside the church, still wearing their choir robes. He then led her back inside the church to the altar to ask her a question.

“I held her hand and asked if she would marry me one day,” he said. “She burst into tears and said yes.”

Louise’s mother was not surprised by the proposal but asked the couple to wait until they were older, especially as the Crookshank family planned to return to the UK the following year.

The day after the proposal, John left Malta with his family. The two teenagers stayed in touch through letters.

“You could have sat on the stack of letters I had from Louise,” he joked. 

When her family eventually moved to the UK, the couple reunited in the Lake District. For a time, Louise ran away from home and worked with John at a restaurant there. 

But their reunion was short-lived, as Louise later travelled to Devon to attend her cousin’s 21st  birthday party. 

“She called me when she arrived to say she was okay,” John said, and that was the last time he would hear her voice for nearly 30 years.

Devastating lie 

Soon after, John received a call from someone claiming to be a police officer, who told him Louise had died in a car accident.

The news shocked him so deeply that he suffered an epileptic seizure and was admitted to hospital. Afterwards, he says Louise’s family told him not to attend the funeral.

For decades, John believed the love of his life was dead. 

“My first marriage failed,” he said. 

“Later, I married Caroline, and it was her love and dedication that helped me move forward.”

Years later, John shared the story of what happened to Louise with a neighbour, who happened to be a police officer. The neighbour told him that police officers would rarely call someone to report a death. Curious, John decided to investigate further. 

A friend found Louise’s brother, Jasper, on Facebook and contacted him, asking him for details of what happened to her. 

When Jasper replied, John was asked to read the message himself. 

His friend warned him about the repercussions of the message. 

“When you read that message, it is going to change your life,” John recalled his friend telling him. 

After several minutes of hesitation, Sanderson read the message. 

“This is going to be really difficult,” Jasper had written. 

“My sister is alive, and she believes John is dead. She has spent 40 years believing John is dead, and it has destroyed her life.”

John later discovered that a member of Louise’s family had told each of them the same lie to keep them apart. 

“I had spent 40 years believing someone I loved was dead,” he said. 

‘Long time no see’

In Christmas 2014, John, with his wife, travelled to the Isle of Man to meet Jasper and Louise. 

Louise had said she would be wearing a hat with wolf ears so they could recognise her. 

“It was raining so hard that she was the only person outside waiting for us,” he said. 

Sanderson remembers hearing her voice before seeing her. “It felt like hearing a voice from the grave,” he said. 

When he finally approached her, he simply said: “Hello Lou, long time no see.”

The ‘reunion’ dinner was emotional and difficult for all parties. John gave Louise a small gift, a Maltese five cent coin, a reminder of their teenage days walking along the Sliema seafront and spending their pocket money on bottles of Kinnie and pastizzi. 

Later that evening, the two found a quiet moment together to hug, cry and release years of grief. 

“I wouldn’t wish that pain on my worst enemy,” he said.

The pair spent hours sharing the stories of their lives. Louise told him that after hearing the (false) news she struggled with addiction and homelessness. 

Despite the painful past, the two sometimes stayed in touch by phone

I had to bury her in my mind again, a second time

A second goodbye

Tragedy struck a second time. One day, Louise’s brother called John with devastating news that Louise had died in her sleep on her birthday. She was 60.

“I had to bury her in my mind again, a second time,” he said.

Although John helped plan the funeral, he was too ill to attend, and it took him months to come to terms with her death. He was grateful to his wife Caroline for her patience and love, which helped him. A counsellor later suggested he write down his memories and feelings, which he did, especially during the time Caroline and he lived in Malta and spent days at the then Imperial Hotel in Sliema. 

“I never intended to publish a book,” he said. “I simply wrote everything down to get it off my chest.”

Writing the book eventually brought him peace. 

“There are still painful memories. But I have processed it and feel relief.”