LGBTIQ+ university students have described their experiences of coming out to their families as part of a study that indicated symptoms of depression among those who found little support.

They spoke of parents who tried to persuade them to “try being straight”, were concerned their children would be “going to hell” or were upset they would not become grandparents.

However, while the anxiety around disclosing their gender and sexual identities was high, most described their coming out experience as positive because they no longer needed to restrict themselves.

Some 17 University of Malta students, aged between 18 and 30, took part in in-depth interviews with researchers Enya Sammut, Daniel Vella Fondacaro and Nigel Camilleri.

Their paper, ‘A qualitative exploration of the mental well-being of Maltese LGBTQ+ university students and acceptance within family, peers and social circles’ was published in the International Journal of Emotional Education.

Its findings were in line with international trends, showing that students experienced high levels of anxiety before “coming out” and that depression levels were higher among those who felt they were not supported by family.

Six out of the 17 participants described varying symptoms of depression “including sadness and hopelessness”. This was more common among those who were not accepted by their family.

“After I came out to my mother and my family, I actually became depressed and that depression lasted about two years,” one participants told researchers.

Two others mentioned that, when they opened up, they had suicidal thoughts.

“I had a suicide attempt because I was scared that I would suffer from a lot of discrimination,” one person revealed.

Internal struggles and anxiety

Twelve participants described feeling confused and in denial about their sexual orientation or gender identity before they understood and accepted themselves.

Three gay and lesbian participants thought they were bisexual before coming to terms with their sexuality. 

Two participants struggled with accepting themselves and faced internalised homophobia. Both thought being LGBTQ+ “was inhuman” and three mentioned their religious beliefs as a factor that contributed to feeling shunned by society.

Six of the participants spoke about experiencing mental health difficulties, mostly around the time when they disclosed their sexual orientation and gender identity to family and close friends.

One person said: “For me, it was almost two months at Mount Carmel Hospital... it was very horrible.”

Most, 11 of the participants, felt symptoms of anxiety in anticipation of their disclosure and immediately after.

“I had panic attacks because I was worried about how I was going to handle everything,” one person said.

Despite the anxiety, however, most of the 17 participants – 14 – saw their coming out as a positive experience, even when they were not accepted because they did not “have to feel restricted”.

Nearly all – 14 participants – expressed that disclosure to their family was imperative in their journey.

Parents’ struggles

Seven said that their parents were in denial when they came out.

“When I talked it over with my mother, she was like, she didn’t really believe me,” one person said.

In four cases, parents attempted to persuade their children to “try being straight”. Seven participants felt that the parents viewed their disclosure as an act of defiance towards them, instead of being supportive at first.

Nine of the participants said that their parents could not accept them because they “didn’t even really know what gay is”.

This was more common among people who identify as bisexual or pansexual (attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity).

Unconditional love

Several participants (10) said that the relationship with their families got better over time.

“It was almost like, before the love was a bit conditional and they learned the idea of unconditional love as we went along. I guess, so I feel closer to them now that I’ve come out,” one person said.

Two participants mentioned that after they disclosed their sexuality or gender identity, their parents were concerned that this would have a negative effect on their reputation.

In three cases, parents also voiced concern about not having grandchildren in future and some even worried that their child would be “going to hell”.

Almost all participants (15) recalled occasions where they felt homophobia directed towards them.

Given the stresses that disclosing one’s sexual orientation and discrimination can bring, many participants felt that safe, confidential support services should be made more available to members of the LGBTQ+ community. Counselling services, especially at the university should be easily accessible to students, they said.