Two in one flesh

Even a superficial familiarity with the Gospels makes one aware that Jesus has imparted many of his most basic teachings thanks to questions set by the Pharisees, whose aim always was to confound him or trap him into some contradiction. This is the case with today's Gospel, in which we hear them asking this very important question: "Is it right for man to put away his wife?"

They knew very well, as all Jews knew, that the law of Moses allowed divorce under certain circumstances. But Jesus answered: "It was to suit your hard hearts that Moses gave such a permission." And then he went on by making it clear that now it is no longer so.

Jesus Christ is the fullness of God's revelation and has given a new start to the history of mankind. Before Christ came, mankind was going through a long period of gradual development until it became ready to understand the essence of marriage in all its greatness, as a reflection of the Triune God: He is One in the Three divine Persons, and this oneness is absolutely indissoluble.

As we know all too well, God's plan in regard to marriage is neither understood nor put into practice by the man of today. Divorce is allowed by civil law in most countries, and where divorce is not permitted there is such a thing as legal separation: the moral harm caused by both is known to all. To say nothing of the unhappiness and moral suffering endured by the children of so many split marriages.

Which are the main causes of marriage breakdown, one may ask? I think all of them are included in the phrase "a radical misunderstanding of what true love is all about". Many identify love with pleasure or sexual gratification.

God is the source of true love, a love that has been manifested to mankind in Jesus Christ, "who so loved the world, as to give himself entirely for it". He did this by sacrificing himself on the Cross: He suffered for our sake, so that we might be happy; and happiness, in contrast to pleasure, is in one's mind and heart, not in the senses. All this Christ has done out of love, and his love for us is irrevocable.

Any marriage, even a Christian marriage which Christ has turned into a sacrament, is doomed to failure, if the bond of love uniting the spouses does not resemble the perfect and irrevocable gift of God himself to mankind.

It is therefore not enough for the spouses to say 'yes' at the moment of marriage. That 'yes' has to mature through sacrifice not only after marriage, but also before it.

It takes time for each of the spouses to know each other deeply and truly, and to find their own happiness in giving rather than in taking, and often in sacrifice rather than in personal gratification. "Marry in haste, and repent at leisure," goes the saying.

But to avoid a marriage breakdown it is not enough to prepare oneself properly for the most serious decision in one's lifetime. Much attention and effort are also needed to keep the flame of love ablaze, not only in moments of intimacy, but in all circumstances and throughout one's life.

Every married man and woman knows how difficult this is in practice, given human weakness in the midst of ever-growing temptations. But God does not ask the impossible; He rather makes possible what seems impossible, provided we ask for his help through prayer. "The family that prays together stays together," runs a motto of the Christopher Movement very popular in America.