Business schools today often include modules in management training on organisational psychology because dealing with people is a complex skill that one needs to master to become a good manager.
More interestingly, business schools like INSEAD encourage academic researchers to look into behaviour issues at the workplace to help students understand how to deal with the different personalities of the people they lead.
One interesting phenomenon that I have often experienced in my long career in management is the symbiosis that seems to exist between those suffering from the victim syndrome, victimisers and rescuers.
Some people who suffer from the victim syndrome constantly complain about the ‘bad things that happen’ in their lives. In the workplace, they complain about being discriminated against because of their political beliefs, their sexual orientation or because they are convinced that their bosses do not like them.
Unfortunately, some politicians assume the role of rescuers. They promise to put things right once they get the victim’s vote to be installed in a position of power. Such victims often transform themselves into victimisers, accusing people who try to help them, thereby draining them emotionally and leaving them utterly frustrated.
The American writer John Gardner once said: “Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.” How often do we meet people like this?
The blame culture seems to be an essential part of our mindset. It is so easy to blame others when things go wrong. People suffering from the victim syndrome blame their family, partners, colleagues at work, or anyone else they perceive to be victimising them. Those who try to ‘rescue’ them from their misery often find it excruciating.
There are, of course, people who are indeed victims of circumstances because life is rarely a rose garden. They deserve any help they can get. However, many others just like to play the victims because this is an effective way of getting what they want.
Those suffering from the victim syndrome have a negative outlook on life, which makes them transform every setback into a major drama. These people are indeed challenging to handle.
By playing the victim, we often miss the chance to question complex life issues
One particular sub-type of victims comprises those who allege that they are victims of different types of discrimination. They project themselves as people of principle who are never afraid to speak their minds and never shy away from reciting their political creed. This mindset is encouraged because such self-proclaimed martyrs often find rescuers who not only validate their warped beliefs but promise that one day, these victims will be rewarded with generous compensation for their ‘suffering’.
People suffering from the victim syndrome are masters of manipulation. They invite people to rescue them but are rarely satisfied with rescue attempts. They are very good at turning things upside down, claiming that their would-be rescuers’ efforts to help them are actually damaging them. They feel constantly betrayed and accuse their rescuers of letting them down. They seem to prefer being stuck in the muddled thinking that convinces them they are always right and everyone else is wrong.
The world is full of genuine victims. It is equally true that victimisation does indeed exist in some workplaces. But being a victim is also a state of mind. Many people often feel they are being poorly treated, but rather than resort to the blame game, they roll up their sleeves and try to engage in soul-searching to overcome setbacks.
We act as victims whenever we fail to take responsibility for our behaviour and actions. We may think that our real and imaginary victimisers’ actions have absolved us of our responsibility, but in reality, we end up feeling anger, fear, guilt and inadequacy.
Playing the victim has its benefits. Some people play the ‘poor me’ card to attract attention, sympathy and offers for help. Who doesn’t like to be noticed and validated? But by playing the victim, we often miss the chance to question complex life issues.
Imaginary victimisation frequently prevents us from taking responsibility for our actions by shifting blame on others. Blaming others for whatever goes wrong in our lives gives us a sense of relief and is cathartic. But it prevents us from moving on and maximising the opportunities for happiness, often waiting behind the next corner.
For many, playing the victim is a coping strategy, a form of manipulation, and a way of seeking and getting attention. Self-reliance is always the best antidote to the victim syndrome.