Another week goes by, and the process of selling Manchester United continues to drag on in a manner that is becoming, as my kids would say, increasingly cringe.
You can almost picture the Glazer family – sitting in their gold-plated, club-bought thrones – repeatedly sending the two bidders away to search for more money down the back of their sofas.
And the incredibly obliging duo – Sheikh Jassim bin Hamad Al Thani and Sir Jim Ratcliffe – keep doing just that, returning on bended knee with even greater offerings to try and satiate the incredible Glazer greed.
It’s now been seven months since the Americans announced they were “exploring strategic alternatives”, which was code for ‘ways of lining our pockets’. And it still doesn’t feel as if it is overly close to concluding.
The sheikh and Sir Jim must really, really want United. Why else would they allow themselves to be messed around with to this extent?
This tells us two things.
The first we already knew, and that is that the Glazers are looking out for themselves and have no interest in the club’s future. Otherwise, they would have ensured this process was over and done with swiftly to kill the uncertainty and allow the club to start planning for next season and beyond.
The second is that the sheikh and Sir Jim must really, really want to acquire Manchester United for what they can do for it and not what it can do for them. Why else would they allow themselves to be played off against each other and messed around with to this extent?
And that, I suppose, must be a positive for the long-Glazer-suffering fans: knowing that if the deal goes through, the new owner is there to take care of the club and not their own bank account.
I did just have a bizarre thought on this:
Seeing as there are only two realistic bidders left in this race, why don’t they team up? Withdraw their existing offers, go back with a single offer between them and give the Americans a take-it-or-leave-it ultimatum.
Might not be an ethical tactic, but this is the Glazers we are talking about, for whom the concept of ethics is almost entirely alien.
England’s loss is America’s gain
It only made the tiniest of ripples in the sports pages – little more than a footnote in most places – but for me it was one of the worst bits of news for the English national team in a long time.
More devastating, in fact, than that fateful day after the last World Cup when Gareth Southgate announced he would be staying on to guide the Three Lions to their next big tournament failure.
I am, of course, referring to the announcement that Arsenal striker Folarin Balogun has decided to swap allegiances from England to the US of A.
Who, I hear some of you ask, is he?
Well, he may not yet be a household name in the traditional sense, but I bet you anything he will be in the next few years. And when that happens it will be the American national team that reaps the rewards.
I know there are plenty of decent English strikers around right now. But there is something a bit special about Balogun.
His seven goals in 13 games for the England Under-21s is evidence of that. Even more compelling are the 19 goals he has scored for Ligue 1 side Reims this season while on loan from Arsenal.
At 21 he is not what you would call a wonder kid. More of a late bloomer. But he has a rather unique blend of poaching skills and blistering pace. Like a cross between Gary Lineker and Usain Bolt; with a side order of Ian Wright.
Folarin was born in the US to Nigerian parents but then raised in England. So he had international options.
But I would have thought he would have stuck with England, the country where he has lived for much of the past two decades, that he has represented at various levels, and which is, I would imagine, pretty much his home.
If not England, then maybe Nigeria, as a tribute to his roots, ancestry and parents. The Nigerian FA wanted him, but it doesn’t appear they even got close to tempting him in their direction.
And that makes me wonder if there might not have been some behind-the-scenes shenanigans going on from the Americans; with a small bag of used dollar bills flashed around at some point.
Because it’s a strange decision to reject both the country where you grew up and the country to which you owe your heritage in favour of one to which the connection is tenuous.
As I said, I genuinely think this is a sad day for England because this kid has all sorts of natural goal-scoring talent. As the years go by and the goals rack up, I suspect he will become known as the one that got away.
Not giving a toss
I write a lot of stuff in this column, tens of thousands of words each year; and most of it just passes through people’s brains like the mental chewing gum it is.
But sometimes I hit a nerve.
And that appeared to happen with my piece last week questioning the widespread sentiment that Roberto De Zerbi is a walking football genius.
A few nasty messages on Facebook, an almost incomprehensible e-mail calling me a ‘tosser’; then this comment from Andrew on The Times website: “Are you watching Arsenal vs BHA, Mr Smarty Pants? You are seriously deluded if you believe you know anything about football.”
Of course, as he rightly pointed out, on the day my piece came out Brighton were busy dismantling Arsenal’s title contenders 3-0 at the Emirates. So that wasn’t great timing.
But wasn’t it just a week earlier they lost 5-1 at home to Everton? And a couple of weeks before that they went down 3-1 to that other powerhouse of Premier League soccer this season, Nottingham Forest. And that’s before I get to last Thursday’s 4-1 defeat to Newcastle United.
You can’t use one result to prove me wrong unless those other results prove me right.
Genuinely, the thing I don’t understand here is whether all these angry people were offended by my refusal to jump on the De Zerbi bandwagon or my suggestion that Graham Potter had laid all the foundations for Brighton’s success.
Despite the abuse, I stand by what I said. De Zerbi was the right man in the right place at the right time who has done a very decent job but has a very long way to go before he is all that.
But then again, I’m Mr Smarty Tosser Pants, so what do I know?
E-mail: James@quizando.com
Twitter: @Maltablade